10 Common Communication Mistakes

 Communication errors can cause confusion, and damage your reputation.

Avoiding Communication Blunders and Misunderstandings

It can be embarrassing to make mistakes with communication. For example, if you send an email without checking it, and later realize that it contained an error, you can end up looking sloppy and unprofessional.

But other communication mistakes can have more serious consequences. They can tarnish your reputation, upset clients, or even lead to lost revenue.

In this article, we'll look at 10 common communication mistakes, and we'll discuss what you can do to avoid them.

Mistake 1: Not Editing Your Work

Mistakes with spelling, tone, and grammar make you look careless. That's why it's essential to check all of your communications before you send them.

Don't rely on spell-checkers: they won't pick up words that are used incorrectly. Instead, proofread your work, and use a dictionary to look up any words that you're unsure about.

You may find it helpful to make a list of words and phrases that you find it hard to get right (such as "your/you're," "its/it's," or "affect/effect"). Store this close to hand.

It can be difficult to see errors in your own work, so consider asking a colleague to look over key documents before you distribute them. Alternatively, read your work aloud – this makes it easier to catch typos and tone errors. Then, give yourself time to reflect on your document, and to make any final changes.

Mistake 2: Delivering Bad News by Email

Would you announce layoffs to your team by email or IM? If you did, you could upset everyone!

Written communication channels don't allow you to soften difficult messages with nonverbal cues (such as body language  ), and they don't allow you to deal immediately with intense emotions.

If you need to deliver bad news, do this in person, and think carefully about how you can do it sensitively, so that you can convey your message but minimize long-term upset at the same time.

When you deliver a difficult message personally, you can pick up on signs that people may have misunderstood key parts of your message, or may have taken the information particularly badly. You can then take steps to clarify your message, or help people deal with the difficult news.

Mistake 3: Avoiding Difficult Conversations

At some point, you will need to give negative feedback. It's tempting to try to avoid these conversations, but this can cause further problems – in particular, you may let small problems grow into big ones.

Preparation is the key to handling difficult conversations. Learn to give clear, actionable feedback, and use tools such as the Situation – Behavior – Impact   technique to encourage your people to reflect on their behavior.

You may also want to role-play  your conversation first, so that you feel confident in both your words and your body language.

Mistake 4: Not Being Assertive

Assertiveness   is about stating what you need, while considering the wants and needs of others.

You may not always get your way when you're assertive, but you stand a better chance of getting it, or of reaching a compromise, because you've been clear about your needs. Use our Bite-Sized Training session on Assertiveness Skills to identify your needs, and to practice assertive communication.

Assertiveness also means saying "no" when you need to. Our article "'Yes' to the Person, 'No' to the Task"   explains how to turn down requests gently but assertively, while maintaining good relationships.

 Note: Assertiveness is not the same as aggression. When you're aggressive, you push to get your own way without thinking about other people's rights, wants, and needs. 

Mistake 5: Reacting, Not Responding

Have you ever shouted at a colleague in frustration, or sent a terse reply to an email, without thinking your point through? If so, you're likely to have reacted emotionally, instead of responding calmly.

This kind of emotional reaction can damage your reputation. You may upset people with your strong emotions, and give the impression that you lack self-control and emotional intelligence .

Mistake 6: Not Preparing Thoroughly

Poorly-prepared presentations, reports, or emails frustrate your audience and, over time, damage your reputation. This is why it's essential to prepare and plan your communications carefully.

First, set aside time to plan your communication thoroughly. Consider using tools like the Rhetorical Triangle   and Monroe's Motivating Sequence   to create a credible, intelligent, and compelling message that appeals to your audience's emotions, as well as to their intellects.

Leave time to proofread, to find images, and to check that documents are compatible with your audience's software. Then, if you are delivering a speech or a presentation, rehearse thoroughly, so that you are fluent and inspiring.

Mistake 7: Using a "One-Size-Fits-All" Approach to Communication

If you use a "one-size-fits-all" approach to communication, you may overlook people's different personalities, needs, and expectations. In fact, your communications need to address those differences as much as possible.

If you're preparing a presentation, make sure that you appreciate that people have different learning styles  , and that you cater for these. This means that everyone – from those who learn best by reading to those who prefer a more hands-on approach – can benefit from your session.

Mistake 8: Not Keeping an Open Mind When Meeting New People

Today's workplace is a melting pot of ethnicities, religions, ages, sexual orientations, and viewpoints. These differences create a rich tapestry of experiences and opinions that greatly enhance our lives.

However, it can be tempting to stereotype new colleagues or clients, or to make assumptions about them based on just a few pieces of information. This is especially true if you haven't had much time to get to know them well.

Assumptions inhibit open communication, because you don't consider the other person's own unique background, personality, and experience. Over time, this can jeopardize your relationship with them.

So, set time aside to listen   when you meet someone new. Give them space to talk about their viewpoints, and take time to absorb these.

Then, learn how to manage cultural differences  , so that you take each person's needs and expectations into consideration. If you often work with people from overseas, explore the idea of cultural intelligence  , so that you can start to adapt your behavior when you come across people from different cultures.

Mistake 9: Assuming That Your Message has Been Understood

Always take time to check that people have understood your message.

For example, when you send out an email, you could encourage people to respond with questions, or to reply if they haven't understood part of your message.

Or, if you've given a presentation, build in time for people to discuss your main points, or leave time for questions at the end.

Mistake 10: Accidentally Violating Others' Privacy

Have you ever forwarded a sensitive email to the wrong person, or sent an incorrect attachment? These kinds of errors can cause serious commercial problems, violate people's privacy, and lead to embarrassment and confusion.

To avoid these problems, write sensitive messages before you select the recipient, and then double check their email address. If your email program automatically fills in email addresses, you could switch this feature off, so that you must consciously choose the right recipient.

You may find it helpful to draft these emails in a word processing document or blank email, and then to paste the text into a new message. This way, you won't accidentally include any information from previous messages.

And, if you're sending a sensitive or confidential attachment, check that no "tracked changes" or comments can be found, and make sure that you're sending the right version.

 Key Points

Everyone makes communication mistakes from time to time. However, you'll protect your reputation if you avoid the most common errors, which include not editing your work, accidentally violating people's privacy when forwarding emails, and not being assertive.

The key to good communication is to think about your audience's needs. Prepare each email, document, and presentation carefully, and give yourself time to check it.

Above all, remember that communication is a two-way process. Be ready for questions, and listen to what your audience has to say.

Over time, you'll find that good communication can greatly enhance your working relationships, and your job satisfaction.

 

 www,mindtools.com

 

How to Apologize

Asking for Forgiveness Gracefully

Scott has just arrived at his staff meeting, and he can tell that his boss, Catherine, is stressed.

He ignores the tension in the room, and launches into his carefully researched presentation.

After a few minutes, however, Catherine picks up on a tiny error and begins to berate Scott.

She accuses him, and the rest of the team, of not pulling their weight. Her hurtful words embarrass Scott, and he leaves the meeting early because he's so upset.

As the days pass, Scott expects Catherine to apologize for her behavior. However, the apology never comes, and their relationship becomes strained, resentful, and unproductive. A few months later, Scott takes a position in another department.

In this situation, Catherine could have healed her relationship with Scott with a sincere apology after the meeting. But, instead, she lost a talented team member.

In this article, we'll see why apologies are so important, and we'll look at how to apologize with sincerity and grace when you've made a mistake.

What is an Apology?

An apology is a statement that has two key elements:

1. It shows your remorse over your actions.
2. It acknowledges the hurt that your actions have caused to someone else.

We all need to learn how to apologize – after all, no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and we all have the capability to hurt people through our behaviors and actions, whether these are intentional or not.

It isn't always easy to apologize, but it's the most effective way to restore trust and balance in a relationship, when you've done something wrong.

Why Apologize?

There are many reasons why you should make a sincere apology when you've hurt someone unnecessarily, or have made a mistake.

First, an apology opens a dialogue between yourself and the other person. Your willingness to admit your mistake can give the other person the opportunity he needs to communicate with you, and start dealing with his feelings.

When you apologize, you also acknowledge that you engaged in unacceptable behavior. This helps you rebuild trust and reestablish your relationship with the other person. It also gives you a chance to discuss what is and isn't acceptable.

What's more, when you admit that the situation was your fault, you restore dignity to the person you hurt. This can begin the healing process, and it can ensure that she doesn't unjustly blame herself for what happened.

Last, a sincere apology shows that you're taking responsibility for your actions. This can strengthen your self-confidence, self-respect, and reputation. You're also likely to feel a sense of relief when you come clean about your actions, and it's one of the best ways to restore your integrity   in the eyes of others.

Consequences of Not Apologizing

What are the consequences if you don't apologize when you've made a mistake?
First, you will damage your relationships with colleagues, clients, friends, or family. It can harm your reputation, limit your career opportunities, and lower your effectiveness – and, others may not want to work with you.

It also negatively affects your team when you don't apologize. No one wants to work for a boss who can't own up to his mistakes, and who doesn't apologize for them. The animosity, tension, and pain that comes with this can create a toxic work environment.

Why Apologies are Difficult

With all these negative consequences, why do some people still refuse to apologize?
First, apologies take courage. When you admit that you were wrong, it puts you in a vulnerable position, which can open you up to attack or blame. Some people struggle to show this courage.

Alternatively, you may be so full of shame and embarrassment over your actions that you can't bring yourself to face the other person.

Or, you may be following the advice "never apologize, never explain". It's up to you if you want to be this arrogant, but, if you do, don't expect to be seen as a wise or an inspiring leader.

How to Apologize Appropriately

In an article in the Journal of Psycholinguistic Research, psychologists Steven Scher and John Darley present a four-step framework that you can use when you make an apology.
Let's look at each step, below.

Step 1: Express Remorse

Every apology needs to start with two magic words: "I'm sorry," or "I apologize." This is essential, because these words express remorse over your actions.

For example, you could say: "I'm sorry that I snapped at you yesterday. I feel embarrassed and ashamed by the way I acted."

Your words need to be sincere and authentic  . Be honest with yourself, and with the other person, about why you want to apologize. Never make an apology when you have ulterior motives, or if you see it as a means to an end.

Timeliness is also important here. Apologize as soon as you realize that you've wronged someone else.

Step 2: Admit Responsibility

Next, admit responsibility for your actions or behavior, and acknowledge what you did.
Here, you need to empathize   with the person you wronged, and demonstrate that you understand how you made her feel.

Don't make assumptions – instead, simply try to put yourself in that person's shoes and imagine how she felt.

For example: "I know that I hurt your feelings yesterday when I snapped at you. I'm sure this embarrassed you, especially since everyone else on the team was there. I was wrong to treat you like that."

Step 3: Make Amends

When you make amends  , you take action to make the situation right.
Here are two examples:

• "If there's anything that I can do to make this up to you, please just ask."
• "I realize that I was wrong to doubt your ability to chair our staff meeting. I'd like you to lead the team through tomorrow's meeting to demonstrate your skills."

Think carefully about this step. Token gestures or empty promises will do more harm than good. Because you feel guilty, you might also be tempted to give more than what's appropriate – so be proportionate in what you offer.

Step 4: Promise That it Won't Happen Again

Your last step is to explain that you won't repeat the action or behavior.

This step is important because you reassure the other person that you're going to change your behavior. This helps you rebuild trust   and repair the relationship.

You could say: "From now on, I'm going to manage my stress better, so that I don't snap at you and the rest of the team. And, I want you to call me out if I do this again."

Make sure that you honor this commitment in the days or weeks to come – if you promise to change your behavior, but don't follow through, others will question your reputation and your trustworthiness.

Tip:

If you're concerned that your words won't come out right when you apologize, write down what you want to say, and then role-play   the conversation with a trusted friend or colleague. However, don’t practice so much that your apology sounds rehearsed.

Further Strategies for Effective Apologies

In addition to the four steps above, keep the following in mind when you apologize.

Don't Offer Excuses

During an apology, many people are tempted to explain their actions. This can be helpful, but explanations can often serve as excuses, and these can weaken your apology. Don't shift part of the blame onto someone or something else in an attempt to reduce responsibility.

Here is an example of using excuses in an apology: "I'm sorry that I snapped at you when you came into my office yesterday. I had a lot on my plate, and my boss demanded my project report an hour earlier than planned." In this case, you excuse your behavior because of stress, and you imply that the other person was at fault because he bothered you on a busy day. This makes you look weak.

A better approach is to say, "I'm sorry I snapped at you yesterday." This is short and heartfelt, and it offers no excuses for your behavior.

Tip:

Make sure that you are fair to yourself when you make an apology. There is a fine balance between taking full responsibility and taking responsibility for too much.

Don't Expect Instant Forgiveness

Keep in mind that the other person might not be ready to forgive you for what happened. Give that person time to heal, and don't rush her through the process.

For example, after you make your apology, you could say, "I know that you might not be ready to forgive me, and I understand how that feels. I simply wanted to say how sorry I am. I'll give you plenty of time to see that I'm changing my behavior."

Be Aware of Legal Ramifications

Bear in mind that the law in some countries and regions may interpret an apology as an admission of liability or guilt.

Before you apologize on behalf of your organization, you may want to speak with your boss, or get further advice from a legal professional. However, don't use this as an excuse not to apologize, unless the risk is significant.

Tip 1:

Be gracious and fair when you receive an apology. If you respond with aggression or self-righteousness, you may lose the respect of the person who apologized, as well as the respect of the people around you.

Tip 2:

Don't demand an apology from someone else. They may well refuse, and you can easily end up in an angry, unproductive standoff.

Key Points

An apology is a statement of remorse that you make when you've done something wrong. It can be difficult to apologize, but it can do a lot to heal relationships and rebuild trust.
Follow these steps when you make an apology:

1. Express remorse.
2. Admit responsibility.
3. Make amends.
4. Promise that it won't happen again.

Don't offer excuses when you apologize. Otherwise, you'll sound as if you're trying to shift blame away from yourself and on to someone or something else.

Source: Mind Tools

6 Types of People Who Are Really Hard to Talk To

By: Jacqueline Whitmore

Certain people are masters at feeding their own egos. If you’ve ever been cornered by a particularly insecure or competitive personality in the professional arena, you know how miserable these types of interactions can be.

They make conversation feel like a form of torture -- but it’s possible to navigate even the most challenging exchanges with grace.

1. The braggart. This dialogue-destroyer emphasizes status and wealth. He’ll share how much money he makes, with the conversation constantly revolving around his brand new Ferrari or his Fifth Avenue apartment.

Often, the not-so-humblebrags are delivered indirectly. He’ll tell you how the insurance on his yacht has skyrocketed in the past year, or how he wishes his girlfriend would stop buying Birkin bags. Whenever you run into a braggart, acknowledge his good fortune and then change the subject.

2. The rumormonger. This person is always at the center of gossip and drama. She’ll involve herself in everybody else’s personal lives and make it her business to spread juicy rumors.

Whenever you run into a rumormonger, change the subject -- or better yet, excuse yourself. Most importantly, never share anything confidential with her. If she’s spreading other people’s personal business around, you can bet she’ll do the same thing with yours.

3. The one-upper. This person will let you know that, whatever you’ve done, he’s got a story to top it. “Oh, you just got back from scaling Mount Kilimanjaro? That’s a good beginner’s trip. Climbing Everest was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.”
The one-upper likes to feel important. It can be a challenge -- but be patient and ask questions. “It’s great to meet a fellow mountain climber. What was the most challenging part of your Everest trip?”

4. The hard-hearted. This individual has no filter. She says whatever’s on her mind with no concern for others’ feelings. Typically, this person isn’t deliberately hurtful, but she lacks an ability to express herself without it being perceived as negative or rude. “You’re looking super skinny. Have a chocolate brownie. You could stand to gain a few pounds.”

Avoid the temptation to respond defensively. The best way to handle this situation is to kill her with kindness or deflect the comment with humor or flattery. “Thank you for your concern. I’m trying to lose a few pounds so I can look as good as you!”

5. The brain-picker. This person takes and never gives back. He’ll corner you and ask endless questions, always looking for free advice. “You’re a dermatologist? Will you look at this mole on my arm? Should I be concerned?” Don’t dispense your valuable knowledge for free. Respond with something like, “Call my office first thing Monday morning and my assistant will schedule an appointment for you.”

6. The rambler. We’ve all had the experience of being held hostage by a rambler at a networking event. This person talks at you instead of with you. She thinks she’s being social by speaking, but monopolizes the conversation and exhibits all the traits of a chronic non-listener -- often interrupting.

Try to introduce the rambler to someone else or excuse yourself politely. Make sure to engage and stay in control of the conversation, however, before you disengage.

Source: www.entrepreneur.com

Keep Time and Emotion from Killing a Negotiation

By Anthony K. Tjan

Time and emotion — these are the two things most often wasted during a negotiation. We simply spend too much time on items that don’t really matter, because we let our emotions override any semblance of logic. It is a natural human response to act negatively, reactively, and emotionally to any negotiation points that are counter to one’s pre-disposed positions. It is also poor negotiation practice.

The mere fact of having a position lies at the root of why we get caught up in the drama of a negotiation, rather than focusing on the plotline or ending (i.e. goal) toward which we are striving.  In business school, students are sometimes taught the difference between position-based versus interest-based negotiation.  When you focus on the differences between your positions rather than the commonality of your interests, little progress can be made.  There is nothing necessarily wrong with having a going-in negotiating position, and we can’t really avoid having pre-existing assumptions and desires.  But when we don’t get what we want and frustration ensues, what can we do?  The key is to understand five areas that can both help move a negotiation forward and in doing so usually advance us to where we want to be:

1. Understand the common goal and common interest. Make sure you fully digest and articulate any areas of common interest.  Is it simply to maximize value for the company or are there instances, for example, where the greater common goal may be to get a deal done to sell a business rather than optimize its value by waiting?  One of the best ways of making this happen is to simply to have both sides articulate their goals and interests in writing and share them to ensure clarity and alignment.
2. Understand the underlying and ancillary motivations of the other side. Oftentimes there are conflating or conflicting interests at hand.  As much as possible, you need to understand the total “motivational picture” of your counterparty.  For example, at our firm we have been in negotiations where we ultimately learned that what appeared to be irrational negotiating by the other side was driven by how they were compensated for the deal. Where possible, uncover if those negotiating for other side have any personal remuneration at stake, and how that changes with different outcomes – it will drive behavior.
3. Be transparent and explain the why of your points. It can be surprising how seldom people explain the why of a position for which they are fighting.  Take even the previous example on personal deal compensation. If something is going to impact you personally, it may be better for you to disclose it — at least the other party will understand.  So often it is taken for granted that the other side fully appreciates why you are asking for a term or condition when they actually have little clue.  Before you can do this, you also need to make sure you fully understand your own why for each of your points!
4. Calculate the materiality of each point. Much of the time sink of negotiations is unfortunately spent on elements that don’t really matter — things that will not materialize, or if they do won’t have a major impact.  Legal and tax counsel is always critical and highly valuable, but can sometimes also be the tail that wags the dog.  Once I was leading an important negotiation where we debated at length with legal and tax experts over “edge scenarios” that might negatively impact us.  This went on for two days until I took a step back to actually calculate what our largest dollar exposure could be.  It turned out to be less than the cost of of preparing a structure to avoid it and likely less than the professional and legal fees we had already accumulated thinking about it!  Do the math and calculate how material a point is — then determine if it is really worth fighting for in the bigger picture.
5. Look for points that have an asymmetry in value. Once you understand the math of a negotiation, look where there may be asymmetry.  There are always points where there is a fundamental difference in how each side perceives the value.  To be effective in negotiation you need to comprehend the balance of trade on every key point. Basically, look where your currency is worth more.  Consider, for example, the purchase of a house.  If the eventual price is the most important currency for you, then see where there may be a different lever (a different “currency”) to trade for your desired lower price. Sometimes a seller may care more about the timing or certainty of a closing than the price. Taking out a financial contingency, or letting the close happen on whatever time frame the seller wants, may gain you disproportionate benefit in the price. Remember the bigger context and have the empathy and rationality to think about it from the other side.

Following the five rules above will eliminate a large amount of futile negotiation on things that don’t matter, or things that matter much more for one side than the other.  The goal of any negotiation is to reach agreement, but unfortunately the journey there is usually painful.  We find ourselves “stuck” on terms or conditions we feel are must-haves, and lose perspective as to why we want the things we think we want.   It does not need to be like that. Focus on the two or three scenarios that really matter for each side and have reasonable probability of being realized, as opposed to every edge scenario. In the end it probably won’t be a contract that saves you. It will be the quality of your relationship, your rationality, and, yes, your ability to do effective subsequent negotiation (definitive documents are rarely definitive).  The reality is that you are more likely to get a fair deal — and even get the opportunity, from time to time, to have your cake and eat it too — if you stay disciplined on the underlying architecture and rationality of each negotiation point.  Good luck, and happy negotiating.

Anthony K. Tjan

Anthony Tjan is CEO, Managing Partner and Founder of the venture capital firm Cue Ball, vice chairman of the advisory firm Parthenon, and co-author of the New York Times bestseller Heart, Smarts, Guts, and Luck (HBR Press, 2012).
HBR Blog Network

6 Habits of Great Connectors

BY: Ilan Mochari

Entrepreneur Scott Dinsmore shares the traits that the best networkers he's met have in common.

The second part of the 1936 Dale Carnegie classic book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, is called "Six Ways to Make People Like You."

All these years later, connecting with new people remains a vital skill for any entrepreneur hoping to grow her network. But that doesn't mean it's easy, especially for introverts. Not long ago entrepreneur Scott Dinsmore formed a list of the habits he's observed in skillful connectors. In the spirit of Carnegie's "Six Ways," here are six habits from Dinsmore's list, supplemented with timeless tidbits from How to Win Friends.

1. Smile. "Smiles are contagious and the simple act makes people feel better," writes Dinsmore. Carnegie goes one step further: "The expression one wears on one's face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one's back." Carnegie even cites an old training program that phone companies provided to teach selling over the phone. "They suggest you smile when talking on the phone," he writes. "Your 'smile' comes through in your voice."

2. Make friends. "Ask, 'How would I treat this person if they were my close friend or someone I'd want to be a close friend?'" explains Dinsmore. Carnegie stresses the practice of empathy. He tells the story of a Philadelphia fuel salesman named C.M. Knaphle who hated the advent of chain stores because a chain in Philadelphia bought its fuel from out-of-town dealers, instead of him. At Carnegie's behest, Knaphle agreed to debate other students in Carnegie's courses about whether chain stores were good or bad. The catch? Knaphle had to defend the chain stores. He went back to the store that wasn't buying his fuel and asked the buyer for advice that could help him in the debate. "I must confess that he opened my eyes to things I had never even dreamed of," wrote Knaphle. The buyer grew to like Knaphle personally--and ultimately became a customer.

3. Pay attention. "People want to tell their story. Be the person excited to hear it," notes Dinsmore. Carnegie tells the story of meeting a woman at a party who'd just returned from a trip to Africa with her husband. "Africa!" Carnegie exclaimed. "How interesting. I've always wanted to see Africa." He asked the women a quick series of questions. The woman wound up talking to him for 45 straight minutes.

4. See friends, not strangers. "When you walk into a room, see the new faces not as strangers but as friends you have yet to meet," writes Dinsmore. Carnegie describes how Jim Farley, former chaiman of the Democratic National Committee, had a method for morphing strangers into friends. Whenever he met someone new, Farley found out their full names, their family situations, and a few business or political opinions. By soliciting these specifics, he was in a better position--when he met someone for the second time--"to shake hands, inquire about the family, and ask about the hollyhocks in the backyard."

5. Contribute. "Meeting people is about making their lives better....Give like crazy, embrace generosity and make others more successful," writes Dinsmore. For Carnegie, aiding others became both a sales technique and a method of persuasion. Once, when a storekeeper couldn't pay him in cash, Carnegie accepted payment in shoes. He sold the shoes to the railroad men he'd befriended traveling throughout his territories, then forwarded the receipts to his employer. Later, when Carnegie was trying to persuade YMCAs to host his classes, he faced an uphill battle. YMCAs were incredulous that anyone could "make orators out of business people." So Carnegie agreed to teach on a commission basis and only take his pay as a percentage of the profits. The YMCAs agreed to host his classes.

6. Be open to conversation. "Embrace conversation with those around you. Everyone has something to offer--your server or the guy next to you on a park bench or plane flight," notes Dinsmore. Of course, being open to conversation isn't easy, if you're the shy type. But the only way to get better is to make an effort--even if it's a fruitless effort. Carnegie certainly felt this way. The best method for overcoming fears, he believed, was "to do the thing you fear to do and get a record of successful experiences behind you."

Concept Attainment

Reaching a Shared Understanding

 

"Concept Attainment" is a simple group learning technique that helps you achieve a consistent understanding of important concepts and ideas.

It is particularly powerful where team members' judgment plays a large role in how they respond or make decisions and where consistency is important across your teams.
By discussing examples and individual attributes of the issue being discussed, you can help your team gain a deeper and unified understanding of the issues they face, so that they solve problems in a similar, effective way.
Examples of where this is useful are:

• In a customer support team: Helping understand service standards and service level definitions so that customer get a truly consistent, good service, whoever they talk to.
• In a customer service team: Defining "complaint escalation" so that important issues only are escalated to senior management.
• In a sales team: Understanding the company brand so that team members consistently "deliver the brand" as well as specific products to customers.
• With wine tasters: Defining "taste vocabulary" so that team members describe and grade wine consistently.

How to Use the Tool

Use the tool in small team meetings of up to, say, 8 people. Your role as the team leader is to introduce the concept or approach you want to explore, and guide people through a productive discussion, using the following steps:

1. Define the concept

As team leader, bring to the team meeting well-thought-through, written definitions of the concept. Make sure that you collate any pre-existing definitions, such as those published in staff manuals, corporate communications and so on. Present the team with these as the starting point.

2. Explore the concept

Within the team, discuss what the concept means and how it specifically applies to the team. Unravel specific aspects or elements of the concept to achieve a deeper understanding. For example, a team discussing the concept of "service excellence" may unravel elements such as timely response, prompt replacements, courteous calls, and tone of voice.
As you go, encourage team members to explore elements in more detail, allowing details (such as tone of voice) to emerge as the discussion deepens. As team members become engaged with the detail, so their understanding will increase. This is especially important when discussing ideas in relation to team members' specific roles and behaviors.

3. Test the concept using examples and "non-examples"

Ask team members for examples and also "non-examples" of the concept. A non-example is simply something outside of definition. For example, if you want to look at "escalation" in relation to customer complaints, ask the team for examples of complaints that must be escalated, and also ones that must not (these are the non-examples).
Notice how attributes change for different examples and non-examples. If there seem to be lots of exceptions and "special cases", dig deeper into the concept and expand the emerging definitions.

4. Review and agree revised definitions

As the deeper understanding emerges, so will revised and more detailed definitions. Agree these with your team, and write them down. Amend any team-owned documents to reflect the team's new understanding.

5. Test definitions in practice

As the team moves forward, make sure that definitions are regularly revisited and updated to reflect what really happens.

Tip 1:

It is important that all team members participate and that the team achieves agreement. If team members do not "buy-in" to the final agreement, the team will not reach a shared understanding, and it may not apply the concept consistently.

Tip 2:

One of the team leader's roles is to draw attention to the concept's most important elements, and to make sure that these get sufficient attention.

Example

Mike Brown leads the business service center for K-CO Inc, a telephone company providing business services and networks. He is frustrated to see that the number of customer complaints escalated to account managers has risen again. And yet the customer survey results published last week were excellent – suggesting that customers are happier than ever.
So Mike investigates the problem thoroughly over the next few days and he concludes that the problem is in fact internal. There have been two new members of the center's supervisory team and, although new supervisors are experienced and well trained, Mike has found that the supervisors are inconsistent in how they escalate complaints.

He decides to test out his theory at the next meeting of the service team supervisors. He holds an extended meeting of the 6 supervisors, and uses the "concept attainment" technique to explore the issue of escalation. As the team discussion evolves, team members offer examples of when they have escalated customer complaints. Very importantly, they also explore when they have not escalated (or should not have). They look at how various factors have affected their decision: types of complaint, types of customer, person calling, how the customers complained (by phone, email or letter).

As the discussion evolves, the team drafts new more detailed definitions to supplement the complaints procedure. Their shared understanding deepens, and the new team members report that they have increased confidence not to escalate certain types of complaint. And as next week's statistics show, the team is now more consistent than ever in dealing with customer complains, and more will be dealt with without the need for escalation.

Key Points

The concept attainment technique helps team members gain a deeper understanding of important concepts. By using examples, non-examples and exploring the attributes of the concept, the team can arrive at a team-owned definition that enables the concept to be applied consistently.

Source: Mind Tools

The Johari Window

Using Self-Discovery and Communication to Build Trust

Have you ever been part of a team where everyone was completely open with one another?
If so, then the chances are that you worked extremely effectively together. You knew your co-workers very well, and there was a solid foundation of trust between you. As a result of this positive working environment, you probably accomplished a great deal with this group.
Most of us realize that teams rely on trust in order to function productively, but how do you go about building that trust?

The Johari Window is a model that helps you do this, and it helps you learn important things about yourself, and so develop as a human being.

In this article we'll look at how the Johari Window works, and we'll see how you can use it with your team to improve communication and trust.

About the Model

The Johari Window is a communication model that is used to improve understanding between individuals. The word "Johari" is taken from the names of Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, who developed the model in 1955.

There are two key ideas behind the tool:

1. That you can build trust with others by disclosing information about yourself.
2. That, with the help of feedback from others, you can learn about yourself and come to terms with personal issues.

By explaining the idea of the Johari Window, you can help team members to understand the value of self-disclosure, and you can encourage them to give, and accept, constructive feedback.

Done sensitively, this can help people build better, more trusting relationships with one another, solve issues, and work more effectively as a team.

Explaining the Johari Window

The Johari Window is shown as a four-quadrant grid, which you can see in the diagram below.

The four quadrants are:

1. Open Area (Quadrant 1)

This quadrant represents the things that you know about yourself, and the things that others know about you. This includes your behavior, knowledge, skills, attitudes, and "public" history.

2. Blind Area (Quadrant 2)

This quadrant represents things about you that you aren't aware of, but that are known by others.

This can include simple information that you do not know, or it can involve deep issues (for example, feelings of inadequacy, incompetence, unworthiness, or rejection), which are often difficult for individuals to face directly, and yet can be seen by others.

3. Hidden Area (Quadrant 3)

This quadrant represents things that you know about yourself, but that others don't know.

4. Unknown Area (Quadrant 4)

This last quadrant represents things that are unknown by you, and are unknown by others.

The End Goal

The ultimate goal of the Johari Window is to enlarge the Open Area, without disclosing information that is too personal. The Open Area is the most important quadrant, as, generally, the more your people know about each other, the more productive, cooperative, and effective they'll be when working together.

The process of enlarging the Open Area quadrant is called "self-disclosure," and it's a give-and-take process that takes place between yourself and the people that you're interacting with.

As you share information, your Open Area expands vertically and your Hidden Area gets smaller. As people on your team provide feedback   to you about what they know or see about you, your Open Area expands horizontally, and your Blind Area gets smaller.
Done well, the process of give and take, sharing, and open communication builds trust within the group.

At first glance, the Johari Window may look like a complex tool, but it's actually very easy to understand with just a little effort. As such, it provides a visual reference that people can use to look at their own character, and it illustrates the importance of sharing, being open, and accepting feedback from others.

People who have a large Open Area are usually very easy to talk to, they communicate honestly and openly with others, and they get along well with a group. People who have a very small Open Area are difficult to talk to, they seem closed off and uncommunicative, and they often don't work well with others, because they're not trusted.

Other people might have a large Blind Area, with many issues that they haven't identified or dealt with yet. However, others can see these issues clearly. These people might have low self-esteem, or they may even have anger issues when working with others.

Using the Tool

The process of enlarging your Open Area involves self-disclosure. Put simply, the more you (sensibly) open up and disclose your thoughts, feelings, dreams, and goals, the more you're going to build trust   with your team.

Tip:

Try to avoid "over-sharing" in your self-disclosure. Disclosing small, harmless items builds trust, however, avoid disclosing personal information which could damage people's respect for you.

Another important aspect of enlarging your Open Area is accepting feedback from others on your team. This feedback helps you learn things about yourself that others can see, but that you can't. This is important for personal growth.

Tip:

Be careful in the way you give feedback  . Some cultures have a very open and accepting approach to feedback, but others don't.

You can cause incredible offense if you offer personal feedback to someone who's not used to it, so be sensitive, and start gradually.

If someone is interested in learning more about you, they can reciprocate by disclosing information in their hidden quadrant.

For example, imagine that you tell someone on your team that you're interested in going to business school to get your MBA. She responds by telling you that she enrolled just a few months ago, and then she tells you all about the MBA program that she's involved with. You reciprocate by opening up about your career goals, and you discuss how an MBA will help you achieve them.

As a person's level of confidence and self-esteem rises, it becomes easier to invite others to comment on their blind spots. Obviously, active   and empathic
listening   skills are useful in this exercise.

The Johari Window in a Team Context

Keep in mind that established team members will have larger open areas than new team members. New team members start with smaller open areas, because they haven't yet had the opportunity to share much information about themselves.

Feedback

The importance of feedback in this process can't be overstated. It's only by receiving feedback from others that your Blind Area will be reduced, and your Open Area will be expanded.
Group members should strive to help other team members to expand their Open Area by offering constructive feedback. The size of the Open Area can also be expanded vertically downwards into the Hidden Area, as people disclose information and feelings to the group.
Also, group members can help a person expand their Open Area into the Hidden Area by asking personal questions. Managers and team leaders play a key role here, by teaching team members how to give constructive feedback   to individuals about their own Blind Areas.

Tip:

The Johari Window is often used with a list of 56 adjectives such as "kind," "clever," or "idealistic." These adjectives can be used with the group to describe the person that everyone is focused on. You can see a list of adjectives to use here.

Key Points

Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham developed the Johari Window in 1955. The tool is a useful visual representation of a person's character, and is represented with a four-quadrant grid.

The goal of the Johari Window is to demonstrate the importance of open communication, and to explain its effect on group trust. The model also teaches you the importance of self-disclosure, and shows how group feedback can help you grow, both personally and professionally.

Your Open Area is expanded vertically with self-disclosure, and horizontally with feedback from others on your team. By encouraging healthy self-disclosure and sensitive feedback, you can build a stronger and more effective team.

Source: Mind Tools

 

How to Manage Someone You Don’t Like

By: Amy Gallo
Published: HBR.ORG


Everybody complains about incompetent bosses or dysfunctional co-workers, but what about irritating direct reports? What should you do if the person you manage drives you crazy? If the behavior is a performance issue, there’s a straightforward way to address what’s irking you — but what do you do when it’s an interpersonal issue? Is it possible to be a fair boss to someone you’d avoid eating lunch with — or must you learn to like every member of your team?

What the Experts Say

Of course, your job would be a whole lot easier if you liked everyone on your team. But that’s not necessarily what’s best for you, the group, or the company. “People liking each other is not a necessary component to organizational success,” says Ben Dattner, an organizational psychologist and author of The Blame Game. Robert Sutton, a professor of management science and engineering at Stanford University and the author of Good Boss, Bad Boss and coauthor with Huggy Rao of the forthcoming Scaling Up Excellence, agrees. According to Sutton, “there’s a list of things that make you like people and there’s a list of things that make a group effective, and there are very different things on those lists.” It’s neither possible — nor even ideal — to build a team comprised entirely of people you’d invite to a backyard barbecue. But there are real pitfalls to disliking an employee. Consciously or unconsciously, you might mismanage him or treat him unfairly and fail to see the real benefit he can deliver to your team. Here’s how to get the most out of someone you don’t like.

Don’t assume it’s a bad thing
Sure, you may grit your teeth at her lousy jokes or wince at the way he whistles at his desk, but feeling less-than-sympatico with your direct reports might not be the worst thing. “From a performance standpoint, liking the people you manage too much is a bigger problem than liking them too little,” says Sutton. The employees you gravitate toward are probably the ones who act nice, don’t deliver bad news, and flatter you. But it’s often those who provoke or challenge you that prompt new insights and help propel the group to success. “You need people who have different points of view and aren’t afraid to argue,” says Sutton. “They are the kind of people who stop the organization from doing stupid things.”

Focus on you
Still, the days can feel very long when you’re constantly dealing with someone you don’t like. It’s crucial to learn how to handle your frustration. Rather than thinking about how irritating the person is, focus on why you are reacting the way you are. “They didn’t create the button, they’re just pushing it,” says Dattner. He suggests asking yourself the following questions:

• Is the problem the individual or someone they remind me of? “You can have a competent person who looks like your unkind aunt and suddenly she can do no right.”
• Am I afraid of being like this person? If your direct report constantly interrupts people, for example, and you worry you do too, you may react more strongly.
• Are they a member of a group that I have issue with? This question gets into a whole host of prejudices and possible legal issues, but you need to be honest with yourself about any hidden biases you may have. “Try to unpack what this person represents to you.”

“You don’t have to go into therapy to figure it out but be honest with yourself about what situations or attributes make you most irritated,” Dattner says. Once you’ve pinpointed the triggers that might be complicating your feelings, you may be able to soften or alter your reaction. Remember: it’s far easier to change your perspective than to ask someone to be a different kind of person.

Put on a good face
Everyone wants their boss to like them. Whatever your feelings for your employee, he will be highly attuned to your attitude and will presume that any disapproval or distaste has to do with his performance. The onus is on you to remain fair, impartial, and composed. “Cultivating a diplomatic poker face is important. You need to be able to come across as professional and positive,” says Dattner.

Seek out the positive
No one is 100% annoying. Yet it’s easy to see the best in your favorites and the worst in people who bother you. “Looking for some of the flaws of your stars and the redeeming attributes of the people you don’t like can help you be more balanced,” says Dattner. Search for what you like about the person. “Assume the best, focus on what they’re good at, and how they can help your team,” says Sutton. He suggests you regularly ask: Given their talents and their limits, what can they do that would be best for the team? Can the over-achiever shoulder some additional projects? Might the slow-talker’s snail-paced delivery spur the whole team to reflect more before speaking?

Keep your bias out of reviews
When someone irks you, you need to be especially vigilant about keeping your bias out of the evaluation and compensation process. Dattner recommends asking yourself: “Am I using the same standards that I use for other people?” If you find you’re having trouble being fair, Sutton suggests seeking counsel from another manager who is familiar with the employee’s work. Ask for frank feedback on whether your evaluation matches the outsider’s. You might even ask the person to play devil’s advocate, to make the case for the employee’s strong points. “Leadership is mischaracterized as a solo adventure. It’s much more of a team sport,” says Sutton.

Spend more time together
This might sound like the last thing you want to hear, but it might help to give yourself more exposure to the problem employee. Sometimes strong medicine is the most effective cure. Sutton cites studies that demonstrate how collaboration on difficult tasks tends to build affinity. “Over time, if you work together closely you may come to appreciate them,” he says. Consider staffing him to your toughest project, or asking him to serve as your right-hand person on an important initiative. Most importantly, remember to keep an open mind. “Your favorite employee today might become your least favorite tomorrow. The people you like may become untrustworthy tomorrow,” says Dattner.

Principles to Remember
Do:

• Be honest with yourself — pinpoint the triggers that might be complicating your feelings
• Check your bias in evaluating the employee’s performance by getting an outsider’s opinion
• Keep an open mind — your perspective may change

Don’t:

• Assume that disliking someone is a bad thing — differing points of view are critical to a team’s success
• Let your distaste show — everyone wants their boss to like them
• Avoid working with the person — collaborating together on a difficult task may positively alter your relationship

Case study #1: Hire “allergy shots”
Linda Abraham, the co-founder of comScores, a leading digital analytics company, established her organization on a simple premise: hire people you respect, not necessarily people you like. Since starting the business in 1999, she has intentionally brought in people she didn’t like but thought would be good for the team. “They’re almost like allergy shots for your organization,” she says.
A few years back, she hired Dan* against the wishes of other people on her team. Even during the interview process, he rubbed people the wrong way. But Linda thought he had the right skills and experience. He came from a large tech company and tended to talk a lot about scale, which many people interpreted as advocating for bureaucracy — a no-no in the start-up culture.
For the first six months, he made regular observations about one of the company’s products and how it could work better. “When I really dug into what he was trying to say, I was impressed,” Linda says. While he wasn’t diplomatic in his comments (he often described things as “dumb”), he was insightful. “We ended up scrapping the job we hired him for and had him take on the improvements he suggested,” she says.
Even in the new role, he wasn’t likable. But Linda tried to focus on the content of what he was saying rather than the way he was saying it, and she coached others to do the same. She also invested time in helping Dan understand how he was coming across and what he could do to alter his style. Eventually her attitude toward him changed. “I’ve come to like him quite a bit,” she says. “He’s ruffled more than a few feathers along the way, but he’s been promoted and has really crushed it.”
Case study #2: Keep your bias in check
Kevin Niehaus, a business manager at a large children’s hospital, inherited a team of employees when he first took on the role. One member of the group, Chris*, always rubbed him the wrong way. “He was the source of 90% of the drama in our unit,” Kevin says. “It got to the point where I would discredit his ideas because I did not like him.”
One day Chris came to Kevin upset. “He wanted to know why I didn’t trust him. I quickly realized that I had let my emotional reaction get in the way of being his manager.” Kevin decided to change his approach; he needed to be more objective. Going forward, he intentionally paused after Chris irked him and asked himself, “Would I care if this was anyone else?” Often the answer was no and he learned to let certain things go. Using Chris’s initial confrontation as a starting point, Kevin also started giving him honest feedback about his behavior, which in turn “cut down on some of the dramatics.” Over time, they were able to develop a trusting relationship where Kevin kept his emotions in check and Chris felt heard.