4 Steps to Regaining Your Focus

BY Jason SurfrApp

To say entrepreneurship is like a rollercoaster may be cliché, but that doesn't mean it's not true. See how the founder of IWearYourShirt recovered his entrepreneurial spirit.

One of the most difficult things I’ve ever done in my life happened on stage at a small conference called Misfit Con in Fargo, North Dakota in May of last year. I was asked to speak about my success as an entrepreneur.

In 2008, I started a unique marketing company called IWearYourShirt, and I’d been running the business for over five years by that time. I’d managed to grow the company from an idea I had while standing in my closet to a business that generated more than $1 million in annual revenue. But, at this particular point in time, I had lost the passion to run my business. Clients weren’t knocking down my door anymore to pay me for my services, and the once rabid community I had built seemed to be getting diluted with the growth of social media networks.

As I sat on stage preparing to speak in front of this small group of passionate creative professionals, a switch went off in my brain. I decided, for the first time in as long as I could remember, that I was going to be vulnerable in front of a group of people. I wasn’t going to regurgitate a story of success and pretend like everything was okay; I was going to be honest.

I don’t remember the details of what I said, but I remember the emotion I felt as the walls I’d built up year after year came tumbling down. At the end of the talk, I was met with a surprising outpouring of support (not just in applause) as people rushed to give me hugs and words of encouragement.

As it turns out, people really respond to the truth. We see story after story of successful acquisitions, IPOs and insert-new-startup-here reaching however-many-million users. But the truth is that business is hard, volatile, and lonely stuff sometimes. When your business doesn’t work out quite the way you thought it would, you’re often left with the frustrating and shameful feeling of being lost.

It took me months after Misfit Con to finally start feeling focused again, but admitting the truth was the first step to finding my way. There were also a few key lessons I learned during that time that helped me pick myself up again.

1. Ask for help.

The first thing I learned is to ask for help. My personal motto in business is “you don’t get what you don’t ask for,” and this still applies when asking peers for help. One of the people that offered me encouragement at Misfit Con was Pamela Slim. Pam was a fellow speaker at the event, and, after hearing my on-stage confession, she told me to reach out to her for coaching help. Unfortunately, it took me eight months to muster up the courage to reach out to Pam because it still felt like admitting defeat. Even though it took longer than it should have, it was one of the best decisions I could have made. Pam helped me finally explore my passions again, find the connective thread in my work and focus my goals moving forward.

2. Identify what’s really important.

Another valuable change following the conference came from the advice I received from yet another speaker named Joshua Fields Millburn (of TheMinimalists.com). Joshua’s story felt similar to mine. He had racked up debt, owned a lot of things he didn’t actually need, and his goals were completely driven by things that society deemed “successful.” While Joshua’s approach to changing his life was a bit more drastic (selling just about all of his things to lead a life of minimalism), he left me with one single question that I ask myself almost daily: Does this thing bring me value? That question not only applies to the things we buy, but also to the work we do and the people we surround ourselves with. I’ve since made a conscious decision to realign my life goals and to think about what brings me value, not what society decides is a mark of success.

3. Remove negativity from your life.

As I realigned my focus during that time, it also became clear to me just how much negativity I was surrounding myself with. My college friends had different priorities in life than I did and didn’t understand the lifestyle of an entrepreneur. Many didn’t actually support my ideas; they just coped with them. Over time, I realized trying to maintain those relationships actually brought me more harm than good.

4. That goes for online negativity too.

I also noticed how much negativity flows through the social networks we subscribe to. My Facebook newsfeed was a breeding ground for complaints, rants, religious/political opinions, and ‘woe-is-me’ status updates. Twitter was riddled with customer service complaints and snarky remarks (while I’m all for snark, too much of it can really impact how you feel). It brought me down so I started intentionally hiding people from my newsfeed who were always negative, unfollowing people who never had anything positive to say, and limiting my overall time spent on social media. By removing negativity offline and online from my life, I was able to feel a huge weight lifted from my shoulders which resulted in clearer thinking for my work.

The path of an entrepreneur isn’t easy. There are times of intense happiness and satisfaction and there are times of struggle and loneliness. Finally admitting that my business didn’t end up the way I planned helped me make major changes in my life that have led me now to a much more balanced way of life and a new excitement for the work that I’m doing.

Source:  http://www.inc.com/

Want to Be Happier? Stop Doing These 7 Things Today

By Shana Lebowitz

Train your mind to move away from these behaviors to make your life easier.

There are plenty of things you can, theoretically, add to your life to be happier.
Exercise! Gratitude! Spending time with friends! Hooray!
What's more surprising is that there are plenty of things you can take out of your life to be a happier person. Think of it as decluttering your house, except instead of your house, it's your entire life.
To help you kick off the elimination process, we checked out the Quora thread, "What are the things that, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier?" and highlighted the best ideas.
Read on to find out which behaviors need to get the boot, stat.

1. Comparing yourself to others

"The day you stop the comparison of things [t]hat you possess with others, you will be much happier," writes Quora user Vipul Patni.
Research suggests that there's one key reason why constantly peering over your shoulder is unproductive: You don't get a completely accurate picture of others' emotional lives.
A 2011 study found that people significantly underestimate the number of negative emotions others experience -- and overestimate the number of positive emotions they experience.
In other words, there's little point comparing yourself to other people, because you'll probably never know how much they're really struggling.

2. Trying to change other people

Sure, your life might be better if the people around you behaved exactly as you wanted them to. But that's probably not going to happen anytime soon, so focus instead on the things you can control.
As Marissa Russell put it:
"If the person doesn't have a desire to change within them already, you will end up wasting precious time and energy talking to a brick wall. You can't make people grow. Some people have to grow at their own pace and learn the hard way before they start making the right decisions."

3. Fearing failure

Failing, and getting upset about it, is an inevitable part of life. But don't let it consume you.
Gayathri Vijayakumar writes:
"Don't have fear of failing. Its okay if you fail, but don't stop moving. Keep moving forward, don't look back when you should not. Consider each failure as a stepping stone and not stumbling block."
Of course, that doesn't mean ignoring your feelings and charging ahead. In a Psychology Today column, psychologist Guy Winch writes:
"It is important to accept that failure makes you feel both fear and shame, and to find trusted others with whom you can discuss these feelings.
Bringing these feelings to the surface can help prevent you from expressing them through unconscious efforts to sabotage yourself, and getting reassurance and empathy from trusted others can bolster your feelings of self-worth while minimizing the threat of disappointing them."

4. Regretting the past

Looking back on the past, we all get the sense that we could or should have done things differently.
But Prabakaran ThodithotSembiyan cites those "I should have done it" and "I shouldn't have said that" thoughts as detrimental to his happiness.
Interestingly, a 2008 study found that people tend to value the experience of regret and believe it has some beneficial outcomes, such as making you more insightful and pushing you to pursue the life you desire.
That said, regret can also hurt your ability to recover from stressful life events.
If you feel like you're consumed by regret, take a tip from psychologist Melanie Greenberg. In a Psychology Today column, she suggests giving yourself a break by considering the circumstances that may have limited your ability to make good choices at the time.

5. Expecting things from other people

Multiple Quora users offered some variation on the idea that high expectations can get in the way of happiness.
For example, Vikash Bhandari says you should never expect anything from others: "Stop sitting and expecting things to happen, rise and roll the balls and do make things happen."
Meanwhile, Gayathri Vijayakumar says that when your expectations go unfulfilled, "you feel crushed and broken." Instead don't expect anything: "Surprises are better than disappointments."

6. Trying to please everyone

"If you try to please everyone," writes Alok Pandey, "you end up pleasing [no one], sometimes not even yourself."
In a Psychology Today column, psychologist Julie J. Exline writes that there's a difference between "being kind and helpful" and "being crippled by fears of interpersonal conflict" -- and the latter is what often characterizes people-pleasers.
To get over your people-pleasing tendencies, Exline says you may simply have to tolerate the discomfort of saying "no." Over time, through repeated exposure to this experience, it will get easier.

7. Holding onto grudges

Several Quora users mentioned that it's unwise to carry around grudges and the hope of getting revenge. In the long run, it only ends up hurting you -- not the person who upset you.
"Your mind and soul should not wear this weight," says Aarushi Sharma. "Let yourself breathe."
Psychologist Seth Meyers told Health.com that holding onto grudges can increase your stress levels and your risk for health problems such as high blood pressure. He recommends getting introspective and figuring out whether the thing you're supposedly upset about isn't a stand-in for something deeper.
For example: "Are you really upset that an acquaintance bailed on your birthday party, or are you more bothered by the fact that you and your BFF aren't as close anymore?"

This story first appeared on Business Insider.

Why Is It So Hard for Us to Admit Our Mistakes?

By: Karen Firestone


Advice for how to gracefully handle mistakes often emphasizes 1) taking responsibility for the error, 2) presenting a plan for the remedy, and then 3) fixing what was wrong. Although these directions sound simple, they can be extremely difficult to execute in real life. No one finds it easy to own up to a mistake — particularly a costly one.

One case in point I came across recently was Brad. He manages a $2 billion hedge fund that had a terrible quarter — two of his largest positions, both energy stocks, dropped 25%, turning what would have been a lackluster result into a disaster. He procrastinated on writing the shareholder letter for so long that both the marketing and compliance directors were constantly emailing him and stopping by his office.

He finally came up with an explanation: “The fund was negatively impacted during the quarter by weakening energy prices due to irrational supply factors and excess inventories.” Brad sent it off, believing that he adequately addressed the issue. Did he?

Another example was when James Comey, director of the FBI, spoke in front of the House Judiciary Committee about the need for Apple to unlock the iPhone used by one of the San Bernardino, California, attackers. In describing some actions taken by the agency and other law enforcement entities immediately following the attack he said: “There was a mistake made in the 24 hours after the attack” that made it impossible later to cause the phone to back up to the iCloud.

Is this what an apology sounds like? Not to me.

As a professional investor, I am well acquainted with the phenomenon of thinking something is a great bargain, only to realize that the sale was just getting started and the prices would be further slashed each day. I have learned to tell clients that we bought a stock incorrectly, that we misjudged, mistimed, or misunderstood the environment or the market.

In his letter, Brad never acknowledged that he or his firm made a mistake. He made it seem that the fund suffered from external forces beyond management’s control — as if it were a victim of an assault or a disease. While, of course, he can’t be blamed for not seeing the extent to which oil prices would fall, he had still miscalculated the downside.

The FBI director followed the exact same playbook. When Comey said, “There was a mistake made,” he doesn’t say who made the mistake, leaving us to wonder if it was all beyond their control.

Speakers and their institutions are often judged by the manner in which they communicate. In both cases, regardless of whether Brad or James Comey individually did anything wrong, their respective constituencies were affected by the words they chose and the tone they used. Being direct is a signal that you are confident enough to admit fault. In Brad’s case, by not owning the bad news, he potentially lost even more of his shareholders’ and clients’ confidence. Comey, too, risked losing the trust of his colleagues, the president, other law enforcement agencies, the press, and the U.S. public.

Why is it so hard for most of us to say, “I did it”?

Many people are afraid of appearing incompetent in front of our colleagues and bosses. But what we sometimes don’t realize is that it is worse to be viewed as a coward incapable of owning up to mistakes or accepting criticism. Rather than saying, “The plate dropped,” it is good practice to say, “I dropped the plate” — especially if that is exactly what happened. The best executives and investors “drop plates” all the time; without doing so, they would lack experience and a healthy understanding of risk.

Developing a culture where people feel comfortable admitting mistakes needs to start at the top, because employees watch their leaders for clues on acceptable behavior and etiquette. One of the most valuable things that a manager can teach her staff is the ability (no matter how embarrassing) to show fallibility, admit wrongdoing, listen to tough feedback, and persevere through the corrective action toward the next challenge.

I learned years ago that the most “cleansing” process for me, particularly when it comes to investment mistakes, is to take responsibility for losing positions and to be open with my clients and colleagues about what happened. Clients are never happy with poor performance, but accepting blame is far preferable to hiding or deflecting it. And being honest within our equity team improves our mutual trust and allows us to move forward effectively.
Of course, attorneys today play a major role in counseling clients to sometimes avoid all suggestion of wrongdoing. But in most workplace situations the mistake falls far below the legal threshold for damage management and control.

Getting a real apology out can be uncomfortable and even agonizing. We need to help each other learn to put the “we” or “I” before the “bought,” “sold,” “changed,” or “lost,” and then the bad outcome. The benefit in the long run far outweighs the short-term pain. When you accept and own up to an error, it becomes much easier to pinpoint its origination and analyze its progression through the system. You’ll have a better chance of avoiding a recurrence.

Karen Firestone is the President and CEO of Aureus Asset Management, an asset management firm which serves as the primary financial advisor to families, individuals, and nonprofit institutions. She cofounded Aureus after 22 years as a fund manager and research analyst at Fidelity Investments. She’s the author of Even the Odds: Sensible Risk-Taking in Business, Investing, and Life (Bibliomotion, forthcoming April 2016).

Source : www.hbr.org

---

7 Decisions Incredibly Successful People Make Every Day

By Elle Kaplan

CEO, Lexion Capital Management

 Boost your success with these daily choices

Anyone who has ever been on a diet can attest that much of a diet's success has to do with making the right decisions constantly.

However, in entrepreneurship, there are a million and a half things that are out of our control all the time. That's why our success is largely determined by the choices we can make: from deciding on what to eat or wear, to what budget cuts will help keep the company afloat.
Successful people thrive, achieve, and enjoy success because they make smart decisions every day.

Without further ado, here are some of those decisions. If you incorporate them in your daily life, success will never be far away.

They choose to feel good about themselves.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Like many other success stories, Roosevelt realized that she couldn't choose who was happy with her and who wasn't (and there were certainly plenty of people unhappy with her).

Although she couldn't control what people thought of her, she could control the way she thought about herself. Remember, no matter what life throws your way, this is something you can decide daily. So choose to realize your greatness. A baby step you can start today is leaving yourself positive notes daily.

They choose to set specific goals.

Successful people don't start with a million aspirations and attempt to work on every single one of them all at once. Pop icon Madonna hit the spot when she said, "I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a [expletive], okay."

To the successful, an aspiration is not vague, but rather it's a specific, well-conceived desire. You can do this today by turning your dreams into specific, time-sensitive goals, and placing them near the top of your priority list.

They choose to work hard instead of dream.

Yes, it feels nice to daydream and imagine the great things that could happen when we finally achieve what we've been longing for - from opening a business, to finally fitting in a dress two sizes smaller.

However, as the iconic author and poet Maya Angelou said, "Nothing will work unless you do."
Dreams don't come true just because you spaced off during the workday. Successful people don't only know this, but they use it to push themselves forward. They realize they'll achieve their dreams eventually, but they don't get discouraged when it takes a whole lot of elbow grease to get there. You can too--a great way to start is by evaluating your progress every month.

They choose not to cry over spilt milk

If you're waking up every morning thinking about what went wrong the day before, you're probably doing entrepreneurship wrong. Corcoran Group founder and Shark Tank mogul Barbara Corcoran spoke the truth when she said, "The difference between successful people and others is how long they spend time feeling sorry for themselves."

Learning from your mistakes is Entrepreneurship 101. But the ultra-successful take it a step further by remembering the lessons and then forgetting the rest. Their philosophy and your new one: the past is the past and it cannot be undone. Learn from it and move on.

They choose passion.

Some of us get excited about an idea and try to do everything in our power to make it a reality. But oftentimes, when the going gets tough, we lose the fire and our dream fizzles into thin air. Successful people are different.

Fashion designer Eileen Fisher said it best: "Life-fulfilling work is never about the money -- when you feel true passion for something, you instinctively find ways to nurture it."
Obviously, knowing your runway and having your financial ducks in a row are vital. But entrepreneurship never involves a steady paycheck or constant clear skies.

That's why you need to use your passion to keep yourself motivated, especially when the road becomes rough and your destination seems far out of reach.

They choose to surround themselves with positive people.

Just like a bad cold, negativity can be incredibly contagious. As Melinda Gates says, "If you are successful, it is because somewhere, sometime, someone gave you a life or an idea that started you in the right direction."

You can and should choose to surround yourself with passionate, motivated, and aspirational people. I do, and I know it challenges me (instead of dragging me down) daily.

They choose to enjoy life.

"It makes no difference how many peaks you reach if there was no pleasure in the climb." Oprah Winfrey said. 
 
You don't run a marathon by thinking "only 46,111 footsteps to go!" after the starting gun goes off. Similarly, to be successful in business, you need to adopt Winfrey's mentality and appreciate the small victories. You need to learn to love the journey, not just the destination.
Because your success won't happen overnight, but it will happen eventually.
What are some choices you make every day to boost your success? I want to hear them! Share them with me on Twitter.

 http://www.inc.com

8 Warning Signs You Are Not Doing What You Want

By Lolly Daskal

President and CEO, Lead From Within


If you're struggling at work, maybe the problem isn't you but what  you are doing.

Is your to-do list getting longer as the projects you started go unfinished?
Do you make resolutions you're unable to keep?
Are you constantly stressed out?

If the answer is yes, it's possible that you're not doing what you'd like to be doing. Not in the sense that you'd like to be, say, independently wealthy and living at the beach, but that there's a fundamental breakdown between your job and your passions, your values, and the things that bring you happiness.
It can be hard sometimes to distinguish this sort of breakdown from the normal ups and downs we all experience.
So how do you know?
Here are eight signs to look for.

1. You complain.

A lot. Everyone complains occasionally, but are you doing more than your share? If it's been going on for a while, you may not even hear yourself anymore. Stop and really listen to your words, or ask someone you trust to let you know.

2. You're always procrastinating.

If important projects sit untouched while you take care of insignificant details, or if you find yourself doing everything at the last minute (and not very well), maybe your procrastination is telling you something.

3. You waste time.

You may start out the day with the best of intentions, but by the time you go home you're not even sure where the day went. Time is the most valuable resource because it can't be replaced. If you're throwing yours away just getting by, you may need a change.

4. You make excuses.

When you don't have results, the easy thing to do is turn to excuses. Saying--or even thinking--that other people or circumstances are to blame for your performance may be covering up a difficult truth.

5. You have little to no motivation.

You're slow to start and quick to give up, and you arrive later and leave earlier. It may be harder to even get out of bed in the morning.

6. You're constantly stressed.

Some stress is normal for most of us. But when stress is unrelenting, and especially when it comes not from deadlines or other external sources but from overthinking or worry, this is a real problem.

7. You feel uninspired.

Even in the most difficult times, a little spark of creativity or passion can be enough to keep most of us going, and in good times, it can lead to great things. But if you're lacking that spark, work is a joyless trudge through the day.

8. You're mired in negativity.

Nothing is more distracting from goals, your dreams, and your future than a negative attitude, especially when it's your own. How often do you say or think: can't, won't, shouldn't?

At the end of the day, if you're not doing what you want to do, you have to realize that your life and gifts are too important to waste on something you aren't passionate about.

The best way to re-energize yourself is to make a plan to put yourself on the path where you belong. Especially if you've invested a lot in your current career, a change can be a daunting thought, so if you can't quite throw in the towel entirely just yet, there are still things you can do. Start planning your retirement business, or find a side project, service opportunity, or hobby that will help get you up back to yourself.

Lolly Daskal is the president and CEO of Lead From Within, a global consultancy that specializes in leadership and entrepreneurial development. Daskal's programs galvanize clients into achieving their best, helping them accelerate and deliver on their professional goals and business objectives. Lead From Within is a consultancy with global scope, and Daskal's clients value her exceptional commitment to excellence, integrity, and results.

http://www.inc.com

10 Simple Ways You Can Stop Yourself From Overthinking

 Here are 10 simple ideas to help overthinkers stop spinning their wheels.

 By: Lolly Daskal

Overthinking doesn't sound so bad on the surface--thinking is good, right?
But overthinking can cause problems.

When you overthink, your judgments get cloudy and your stress gets elevated. You spend too much time in the negative. It can become difficult to act.

If this feels like familiar territory to you, here are 10 simple ideas to free yourself from overthinking.

1. Awareness is the beginning of change.

Before you can begin to address or cope with your habit of overthinking, you need to learn to be aware of it when it's happening. Any time you find yourself doubting or feeling stressed or anxious, step back and look at the situation and how you're responding. In that moment of awareness is the seed of the change you want to make.

2. Don't think of what can go wrong, but what can go right.

In many cases, overthinking is caused by a single emotion: fear. When you focus on all the negative things that might happen, it's easy to become paralyzed. Next time you sense that you starting to spiral in that direction, stop. Visualize all the things that can go right and keep those thoughts present and up front.

3. Distract yourself into happiness.

Sometimes it's helpful to have a way to distract yourself with happy, positive, healthy alternatives. Things like mediation, dancing, exercise, learning an instrument, knitting, drawing, and painting can distance you from the issues enough to shut down the overanalysis.

4. Put things into perspective.

It's always easy to make things bigger and more negative than they need to be. The next time you catch yourself making a mountain out of a molehill, ask yourself how much it will matter in five years. Or, for that matter, next month. Just this simple question, changing up the time frame, can help shut down overthinking.

5. Stop waiting for perfection.

This is a big one. For all of us who are waiting for perfection, we can stop waiting right now. Being ambitious is great but aiming for perfection is unrealistic, impractical, and debilitating. The moment you start thinking "This needs to be perfect" is the moment you need to remind yourself, "Waiting for perfect is never as smart as making progress."

6. Change your view of fear.

Whether you're afraid because you've failed in the past, or you're fearful of trying or overgeneralizing some other failure, remember that just because things did not work out before does not mean that has to be the outcome every time. Remember, every opportunity is a new beginning, a place to start again.

7. Put a timer to work.

Give yourself a boundary. Set a timer for five minutes and give yourself that time to think, worry, and analyze. Once the timer goes off, spend 10 minutes with a pen and paper, writing down all the things that are worrying you, stressing you, or giving you anxiety. Let it rip. When the 10 minutes is up, throw the paper out and move on--preferably to something fun.

8. Realize you can't predict the future.

No one can predict the future; all we have is now. If you spend the present moment worrying about the future, you are robbing yourself of your time now. Spending time on the future is simply not productive. Spend that time instead on things that give you joy.

9. Accept your best.

The fear that grounds overthinking is often based in feeling that you aren't good enough--not smart enough or hardworking enough or dedicated enough. Once you've given an effort your best, accept it as such and know that, while success may depend in part on some things you can't control, you've done what you could do.

10. Be grateful.

You can't have a regretful thought and a grateful thought at the same time, so why not spend the time positively? Every morning and every evening, make a list of what you are grateful for. Get a gratitude buddy and exchange lists so you have a witness to the good things that are around you.
Overthinking is something that can happen to anyone. But if you have a great system for dealing with it you can at least ward off some of the negative, anxious, stressful thinking and turn it into something useful, productive, and effective.

 Source : http://www.inc.com

4 Steps to Regaining Your Focus

 BY: Jason SurfrApp

To say entrepreneurship is like a rollercoaster may be cliché, but that doesn't mean it's not true. See how the founder of IWearYourShirt recovered his entrepreneurial spirit.

One of the most difficult things I’ve ever done in my life happened on stage at a small conference called Misfit Con in Fargo, North Dakota in May of last year. I was asked to speak about my success as an entrepreneur.

In 2008, I started a unique marketing company called IWearYourShirt, and I’d been running the business for over five years by that time. I’d managed to grow the company from an idea I had while standing in my closet to a business that generated more than $1 million in annual revenue. But, at this particular point in time, I had lost the passion to run my business. Clients weren’t knocking down my door anymore to pay me for my services, and the once rabid community I had built seemed to be getting diluted with the growth of social media networks.

As I sat on stage preparing to speak in front of this small group of passionate creative professionals, a switch went off in my brain. I decided, for the first time in as long as I could remember, that I was going to be vulnerable in front of a group of people. I wasn’t going to regurgitate a story of success and pretend like everything was okay; I was going to be honest.
I don’t remember the details of what I said, but I remember the emotion I felt as the walls I’d built up year after year came tumbling down. At the end of the talk, I was met with a surprising outpouring of support (not just in applause) as people rushed to give me hugs and words of encouragement.

As it turns out, people really respond to the truth. We see story after story of successful acquisitions, IPOs and insert-new-startup-here reaching however-many-million users. But the truth is that business is hard, volatile, and lonely stuff sometimes. When your business doesn’t work out quite the way you thought it would, you’re often left with the frustrating and shameful feeling of being lost.

It took me months after Misfit Con to finally start feeling focused again, but admitting the truth was the first step to finding my way. There were also a few key lessons I learned during that time that helped me pick myself up again. 

1. Ask for help.

The first thing I learned is to ask for help. My personal motto in business is “you don’t get what you don’t ask for,” and this still applies when asking peers for help. One of the people that offered me encouragement at Misfit Con was Pamela Slim. Pam was a fellow speaker at the event, and, after hearing my on-stage confession, she told me to reach out to her for coaching help. Unfortunately, it took me eight months to muster up the courage to reach out to Pam because it still felt like admitting defeat. Even though it took longer than it should have, it was one of the best decisions I could have made. Pam helped me finally explore my passions again, find the connective thread in my work and focus my goals moving forward.

2. Identify what’s really important.

Another valuable change following the conference came from the advice I received from yet another speaker named Joshua Fields Millburn (of TheMinimalists.com). Joshua’s story felt similar to mine. He had racked up debt, owned a lot of things he didn’t actually need, and his goals were completely driven by things that society deemed “successful.” While Joshua’s approach to changing his life was a bit more drastic (selling just about all of his things to lead a life of minimalism), he left me with one single question that I ask myself almost daily: Does this thing bring me value? That question not only applies to the things we buy, but also to the work we do and the people we surround ourselves with. I’ve since made a conscious decision to realign my life goals and to think about what brings me value, not what society decides is a mark of success.

3. Remove negativity from your life.

As I realigned my focus during that time, it also became clear to me just how much negativity I was surrounding myself with. My college friends had different priorities in life than I did and didn’t understand the lifestyle of an entrepreneur. Many didn’t actually support my ideas; they just coped with them. Over time, I realized trying to maintain those relationships actually brought me more harm than good.


4. That goes for online negativity too.

I also noticed how much negativity flows through the social networks we subscribe to. My Facebook newsfeed was a breeding ground for complaints, rants, religious/political opinions, and ‘woe-is-me’ status updates. Twitter was riddled with customer service complaints and snarky remarks (while I’m all for snark, too much of it can really impact how you feel). It brought me down so I started intentionally hiding people from my newsfeed who were always negative, unfollowing people who never had anything positive to say, and limiting my overall time spent on social media. By removing negativity offline and online from my life, I was able to feel a huge weight lifted from my shoulders which resulted in clearer thinking for my work.

The path of an entrepreneur isn’t easy. There are times of intense happiness and satisfaction and there are times of struggle and loneliness. Finally admitting that my business didn’t end up the way I planned helped me make major changes in my life that have led me now to a much more balanced way of life and a new excitement for the work that I’m doing.

Source:  www.inc.com

4 Tech-Related Words Most People Use Incorrectly at Work

BY : John Brandon
 

These four tech terms are really common--and really misunderstood.

 

The words you choose in business are incredibly important. If you are at an investor's meeting and you throw out an idea about an app, it's a good idea know what kind of app you mean--is it a Web app, a smartphone app, a tablet app, or a desktop app? Or is it a hybrid that can do what all of those do? Using the correct word in tech circles is even more important, so that people won't get confused and start working on a multimillion-dollar project that ends up being something different from what you had in mind.
Here are the four tech terms bandied about the most, but without a good understanding of what they actually mean. They are incredibly common and often misunderstood.

1. Internet

You might be thinking, Isn't the word Internet pretty general? Isn't it OK to just use the word in any given situation? It just means "everything" on the Web, email, domains, downloading files, right? You might say, "Hey--I am jumping on the Internet to find the answer to that question." In truth, the Internet is a pretty specific thing. It is an "inter-network" of connected servers, the backbone that forms the connections we use for browsing the Web, downloading files, and grabbing e-mail. Usually, it's more accurate to say you are jumping on the Web for an answer. That's the term to use that describes the actual sites that are all connected by the Internet. The best way to think of it: The Internet is really just the highway. The websites you visit, the email you send, the video games you play are the destinations--those are all stored on servers somewhere.

2. Cloud

It's also important to realize that the cloud is not an all-encompassing term. It is not a totally generic term that means everything that's Web- and Internet-related. The classic definition of the cloud is when an application runs on a Web server instead of in your own data center. That's actually pretty specific! You can store files in the cloud, sure, but that's because there is a Web application like Dropbox or Box.net. People sometimes say they are working "in the cloud" or they can't get a virus because they use "the cloud" all day. Don't mistake "the cloud" for all online activity. If you are chatting over instant message, you are technically not using the cloud. It's a peer-to-peer conversation, and you're probably using a locally stored app. If you think you can't get a virus because you are using Gmail, think again--viruses can still attach to your local files.

3. Apps

Sometimes, people at work get a little confused about the word app (or application). And rightly so! There are smartphone apps, online apps, desktop apps--even hybrids like Dropbox that run partly as a local app you install on a Mac or Windows laptop and partly online. It's really important to understand the difference, especially if you run a business and are concerned about hacking or viruses, or need to make an app for your own company. The misunderstanding about apps is compounded by a new operating system called Chrome. It's been around a while but is getting more popular. When you fire up a Chrome laptop, you will see a row of icons that look suspiciously like desktop apps. They are not. In fact, they are just links to online apps.

4. Online

Here's an interesting one, because the term online has become as generic as a Google search and as misunderstood as the Internet. It's a curious thing, too. Most people think going online means going to a website or grabbing email. It's actually anything you are doing that is not on your local computer. Online means any activity involving another computer and a network. That's why, back in my early corporate days before the advent of the Internet, you could have an online multiplayer death match in a computer game--and it was only between computers on a network. People slowly started using online to mean Internet. These days, it seems there are online shooters like Titanfall for Xbox One that only use the Internet. But online means anything nonlocal, even if it is just two computers.

Source: www.inc.com

3 Questions to Ask Yourself Daily as You Roll Out of Bed

By: Matthew Toren

The morning is a powerful time to frame your mindset for the day ahead.

One of the best lifestyle practices you can get into as an entrepreneur is to start the day with some bold and optimistic questions to set the tone for how you’re going to approach what comes next. This helps you to be prepared for opportunities throughout the day by keeping your eyes open to possibility when there are inevitable challenges.

Here are three questions you should ask yourself every morning as soon as you wake up to help you be a rock star entrepreneur.

1. Who can I help today? There’s a famous Plato quote -- “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” It’s easy to wake up and have your very first thoughts be, “I didn’t get enough sleep” or “I’m so busy … how will I get it all done?”

While those thoughts are perfectly normal, they’re not necessarily inspiring. Everyone has something to offer others. When you start your day asking how you can be of service, it is tantamount to you saying, “I’ve got something to offer. I’ve got something to give.”


That’s a more empowering place to come from in life: offering value. Spend a few minutes brainstorming ideas of ways you can help people and watch throughout the day as new opportunities to help will undoubtedly spring up.

2. What can I do better today? This can be as broad or specific as you want, but the point is to conceptualize what positive actions you can take today to be just a little bit better than the day before.

Did you slack off and skip the gym when you know you really needed to go? How can you take a positive step to ensure that the gym happens today? Lose your temper with someone on the staff and you wish you would’ve handled better? Brainstorm how you can approach that person today with a better understanding, and if necessary, an apology for your bad behavior.

It’s not about being perfect or fake -- it’s about trying to make each day’s efforts a little better than yesterday’s errors. Just like success doesn’t happen overnight for your business, you don’t become an excellent leader or entrepreneur quickly. You lean into each day with more wisdom and a greater commitment to improve and excel at your own life.

3. How can I create value today? While this may sound similar to asking “who can I help,” this question is about creating value through your work. It’s important to think up the ways your daily work is providing value for everyone. What you do should make a lot of people better off.

It can be through the quality service or superior product you offer or even great content you share, the form isn’t important -- the value is what's imporant. The value that you're motivated to create will instinctually tie to your mission for best results.

Source: www.entrepreneur.com

9 Things You Should Never Do At Work

By : Jessica Stillman

Perhaps you've heard of a "not-to-do list." CEOs and productivity experts recommend the idea highly as a huge productivity booster that will help you free up time and headspace for all the things that really matter.

Sounds great. But what should go on it? Best-selling author Tim Ferriss has some ideas. In a recent short podcast he offered nine suggestions of bad work habits that many entrepreneurs and others desperately need to eliminate (chances are you are doing at least a couple of these--I'm personally massively guilty of two and five), so there is almost certainly something here that can boost your output.

Don't overwhelm yourself, Ferriss says. Just tackle one or two at a time, eliminating counterproductive habits step by step, and eventually you'll reclaim impressive amounts of time and energy.

Do Not Answer Calls from Unrecognized Numbers
Ferriss gives a couple of rationales for this one. First, the interruption will throw your concentration, costing you far more in time and brain power than just the conversation itself, and second, if it's important, you'll find yourself in a poor negotiating position, scrambling to formulate your thoughts when the caller is already well prepared. Instead, use Google Voice to check your messages or a service like PhoneTag to have them sent to you as email.

Do Not Email First Thing in the Morning or Last Thing at Night

"The former scrambles your priorities and all your plans for the day and the latter just gives you insomnia," says Ferriss, who insists "email can wait until 10am" or after you check off at least one substantive to-do list item.

Do Not Agree to Meetings or Calls With No Clear Agenda or End Time
"If the desired outcome is defined clearly... and there's an agenda listing topics--questions to cover--no meeting or call should last more than 30 minutes," claims Ferriss, so "request them in advance so you can 'best prepare and make good use of our time together.'"

Do Not Let People Ramble
Sounds harsh, but it's necessary, Ferriss believes. "Small talk takes up big time," he says, so when people start to tell you about their weekends, cut them off politely with something like "I'm in the middle of something, but what's up?"

But be aware, not everyone agrees with this one (and certainly not in every situation), and you may want to pay particularly close attention to norms around chit chat when traveling internationally.

Do Not Check Email Constantly
Batch it and check it only periodically at set times (Ferriss goes for twice a day). Your inbox is analogous to a cocaine pellet dispenser, says Ferriss. Don't be an addict. Tools like strategic use of the auto responder and Boomerang can help.

Do Not Over-Communicate With Low Profit, High Maintenance Customers
"Do an 80-20 analysis of your customer base in two ways," Ferriss advises. "Which 20% are producing 80% or more of my profit, and which 20% are consuming 80% or more of my time? Then put the loudest and least productive on auto-pilot, citing a change of company policy."
What should those "new policies" look like? Ferriss suggests emailing problem clients with things like guidance on the number of permissible calls and expected response times. If that sounds like it might annoy your loudmouth customers, his response is, essentially, who cares? Point them to other providers if they don't like the new rules. "Sometimes you really have to fire your customers."

Do Not Work More to Fix Being Too Busy
The cure for being overwhelmed isn't working more, it's sitting down and prioritizing your tasks, Ferriss believes. So don't make the mistake of working frantically if you're swamped. Instead, sit down and decide what actually needs doing urgently. If that means apologizing for a slightly late return call or paying a small late fee, so be it, as long as you manage to get the important things done.

"If you don't have time, the truth is you don't have priorities, so think harder, don't work harder," he says.

Do Not Carry a Digital Leash 24/7
At least one day a week leave you smartphone somewhere where you can't get easy access to it. If you're gasping, you're probably the type of person that most needs to do kick this particular habit.

Do Not Expect Work to Fill a Void That Non-Work Relationships and Activities Should
"Work is not all of life," says Ferriss. This seems obvious, but the sad truth is that while nearly everyone would agree to this in principle, it's easy to let things slide to a point where your actions and your stated values don't match up. Defend the time you have scheduled for loved ones and cool activities with the same ferocity you apply to getting to an important meeting for your business.

Source: www.inc.com

8 Writing Strategies for People Who Say They Can't Write

By: Catherine Clifford

If you want to launch and grow a business, chances are you're going to have to put words on the page. Probably many words on many pages. Which means there's no room for saying you "hate writing" or "can't write."

In many cases, the more important the writing task, the more the would-be writer freezes up. The result can be something of a Mobius strip of anxiety turned into fear turned into more anxiety, and what you're left with is a blank page.

To help you work through writer's block, consider the strategies below. (These tips were compiled by this reporter through an informal survey of her own writer friends and colleagues.)

1. Lose the “I'm just not a writer” syndrome. Everyone has the potential to be a writer. Continuing to tell yourself otherwise is nothing more than an empty excuse. Reverse the energy. You can be a writer. Tell yourself, “I am absolutely capable of writing.”

2. Don’t wait for perfect words. If every sentence has to be a flawless work of art, then you will sit in fear. The sweat might pour, but the words won’t come. Just start writing words on the page. Know that once you have started, you can go back and revise what you have. But until you start, you will never know where you are trying to go. If you are writing on a tight deadline, it is even more critical that you let go of the notion of immediate perfection. One writer friend of mine offered the analogy that writing is like cleaning a messy room: the only way a large mess gets cleaned up is to start tidying one small corner at a time.

3. Talk to yourself -- out loud. It’s less stressful for most people to chat with a friend over a beer than to write a grant proposal (even if the content of the conversation is the grant proposal in question). In conversation, it’s generally accepted that we might have to stop, correct ourselves and continue speaking. Allow yourself that same freedom in your writing process. If that’s hard to do, talk out loud to yourself to get the thoughts flowing.

4. Move words, sentences, paragraphs around the page like pieces of a puzzle. The beauty of writing on a computer is that you can move words and groups of words effortlessly. Just reminding yourself of that tends to make it easier to find your writing flow. If you get your mind set that the words will be seen by the audience exactly as they flow onto the page, it can be paralyzing.

For those overwhelmed by the amount of ideas banging around in their head, jot the ideas down, one by one, in a loose cross between thought-notes and an organizational outline. Then, you can slowly work your way down your list, flushing out concepts into sentences and paragraphs without worrying that you might forget something critical.

5. Crystallize your point into a few words. When you sit down to write a business pitch, a grant proposal or a speech, be sure that you have done your research and know precisely what you mean to communicate. If you're struggling to write, it may be a sign that you are confused about what you want to say. Condense the main nugget of what you are trying to say into just a short phrase or sentence and you'll have a better shot at composing a tight, organized piece.

6. Rid yourself of the Internet. Scores of very smart people spend all day long every day trying to grab your attention on the Internet. They’re pretty good at it, too. Eliminate distractions by going offline and opening a document that only allows you to write on your computer desktop. One writing friend recommended using the Freedom app when trying to write. When you install the application, it blocks all of your connections to the Internet for an allotted time.
Also, having a very specific physical routine associated with writing helps some people get into the writing groove. Perhaps there is a seat at a particular desk that you associate with writing. Perhaps you write best at a certain time of day. Perhaps you need to have a tall glass of ice water when you write.

7. Don’t get stuck by letting yourself think that you have to start at the beginning. Just because they call it the introduction does not mean that you have to start at the beginning. If you know what you want the middle paragraph to be, then start there. Write the portion that you know best first and then work out from there.

8. Set deadlines for yourself. Even if you don’t need to write on a deadline, set deadlines for yourself. And stick to them. One writing friend I talked to said she has friends and family follow up with her to make sure she's keeping to her time goals.

Source:  www.entrepreneur.com

8 Awesome Benefits Of Being A Night Owl

By: Chrissy Stockton

1. No one is around to bug you. The rest of the day is filled with other people talking to you and emailing you and texting you and by the time it’s late it feels so relaxing to be alone and know that no one is going to interrupt you. You can do whatever you want to in peace and quiet.

2. The internet stands still. The internet moves at such a fast pace that it’s impossible to keep up with all your favorite websites during the day when you’re working and busy actually living your life. But at night most of them are done updating for the day, or at least updating very slowly and you can binge-read everything you’ve missed in one juicy, gluttonous session.

3. There’s nothing you’re supposed to be doing. No one has a doctor’s appointment scheduled for midnight. You’re not anxious about missing a social engagement with a fake excuse because you really just needed some downtime. Nope. You are just free to do whatever you feel you want to do. Sweet, sweet freedom.

4. Sleep feels so good. An unexpected perk of staying up late is that you’re definitely tired by the time you go to bed so you cut out any time you would be tossing and turning or counting sheep. It’s almost straight into REM cycle once you hit the sheets.

5. It feels like you have more hours in the day. You may work 9-5 like everyone else you know but you get to come home and relax and then do an evening activity or two and then you still have a few hours to do whatever you want to. You can catch up on work now that your mind is relaxed and refreshed from the evening, or run a hobby that’s completely separate from your job — like using the hours to edit photos for a side photography business or working on your website or music.

6. You’re more likely to have a social life. Since you don’t go to bed before 10pm it never comes up as an excuse that you’re “too tired” to go to dinner or grab drinks with friends. The closer an event gets to your bedtime, the more likely it is that you’ll see it as a hassle, or be exhausted when you attend instead of having fun and connecting with people.

7. You may have weird “night” friends. Night owls and insomniacs tend to get along with each other very well. My best friends in college were the ones I made because we were always the ones studying in the common room at ~4am. Sometimes we’d wait for the dining hall to open up and grab breakfast before we went to sleep. I’ve had Skype sessions with relative strangers from Twitter when we realize we’re always up at the same times. It’s good camaraderie.

8. You just feel more centered. You’re not rushed at the end of the day making sure that you can get to bed by a certain time. You have time to finish up all the little tasks you were hoping to get done and relax a bit before you go to bed. This bit of time you have alone at the end of the day helps you clear your head and be ready for the next day.

10 Small Things You Can Do Every Day To Get Smarter

                                Writing down what you learn every day boosts your brainpower.


By: Jessica Stillman

You might be under the impression that intelligence is a fixed quantity that is set when you are young and unchanging thereafter. But research shows that, if so, you're wrong. How we approach situations and the things we do to feed our brains can significantly improve our mental horsepower.

That could mean going back to school or filling your bookshelves (or e-reader) with thick tomes on deep subjects, but getting smarter doesn't necessarily mean a huge commitment of time and energy, according to a recent thread on question-and-answer site Quora.

When a questioner keen on self-improvement asked the community, "What would you do to be a little smarter every single day?" everyone from dedicated meditators to techies and entrepreneurs weighed in with useful suggestions. Which of these 10 ideas could you fit into your daily routine?

1. Be smarter about your online time. 

Every online break doesn't have to be about checking social networks and fulfilling your daily ration of cute animal pics. The web is also full of great learning resources, such as online courses, intriguing TED talks, and vocabulary-building tools. Replace a few minutes of skateboarding dogs with something more mentally nourishing, suggest several responders.

2. Write down what you learn.

It doesn't have to be pretty or long, but building a few minutes to reflect in writing about what you learned into each day is sure to boost your brainpower. "Write 400 words a day on things that you learned," suggests yoga teacher Claudia Azula Altucher. Mike Xie, a research associate at Bayside Biosciences, agrees. "Write about what you've learned," he advises.

3. Make a 'did' list.

A big part of intelligence is confidence and happiness, so boost both by pausing to list not the things you have yet to do, but all the things you've already accomplished. The idea of a "done list" is recommended by famed VC Marc Andreessen as well as Azula Altucher. "Make an I DID list to show all the things you, in fact, accomplished," she suggests.

4. Get out the Scrabble board.

Board games and puzzles aren't just fun; they can also be a great way to work out your brain. "Play games (Scrabble, bridge, chess, go, Battleship, Connect Four, doesn't matter)," suggests Xie (for a ninja-level brain boost try to play without looking at the board to exercise your working memory). "Play Scrabble with no help from hints or books," concurs Altucher.

5. Have smart friends.

It can be rough on your self-esteem, but hanging out with folks who are more clever than you is one of the fastest ways to learn. "Keep a smart company. Remember your IQ is the average of five closest people you hang out with," Saurabh Shah, an account manager at Symphony Teleca, writes.

"Surround yourself with smarter people," agrees developer Manas J. Saloi. "I try to spend as much time as I can with my tech leads. I have never had a problem accepting that I am an average coder at best and there are many things I am yet  to learn ... Always be humble and be willing to learn."

6. Read a lot.

OK, this is not a shocker, but it was the most common response, so though it might be a less-than-surprising answer, reading definitely seems essential. Opinions vary on what's the best brain-boosting reading material, with suggestions ranging from developing a daily newspaper habit to picking up a variety of fiction and nonfiction, but everyone seems to agree that quantity is important. Read a lot.

7. Explain it to others. 

"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough," Albert Einstein said. The Quora posters agree. Make sure you've really learned what you think you have learned and that the information is well and truly stuck in your memory by trying to teach it to others. "Make sure you can explain it to someone else," Xie says simply.

Student Jon Packles elaborates on this idea: "For everything you learn — big or small — stick with it for at least as long as it takes you to be able to explain it to a friend. It's fairly easy to learn new information. Being able to retain that information and teach others is far more valuable."

8. Do random new things. 

Shane Parrish, keeper of the consistently fascinating Farnam Street blog, tells the story of Steve Jobs' youthful calligraphy class in his response on Quora. After dropping out of school, the future Apple founder had a lot of time on his hands and wandered into a calligraphy course. It seemed irrelevant at the time, but the design skills he learned were later baked into the first Macs. The takeaway: you never know what will be useful ahead of time. You just need to try new things and wait to see how they connect with the rest of your experiences later on.

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only  connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future," Parrish quotes Jobs as saying. To have dots to connect, you need to be willing to try new things — even if they don't seem immediately useful or productive.

9. Learn a new language. 

No, you don't need to become quickly fluent or jaunt off to a foreign country to master the language of your choosing. You can work away steadily from the comfort of your desk and still reap the mental rewards. "Learn a new language. There are a lot of free sites for that. Use Livemocha or Busuu," Saloi says. (Personally, I'm a big fan of Memrise once you have the basic mechanics of a new language down.)

10. Take some down time.

It's no surprise that dedicated meditator Altucher recommends giving yourself space for your brain to process what it's learned — "sit in silence daily," she writes — but she's not the only responder who stresses the need to take some downtime from mental stimulation. Spend some time just thinking, suggests retired cop Rick Bruno. He pauses the interior chatter while exercising. "I think about things while I run (almost every day)," he reports.

www.inc.com

The Perfect Way to Say No and Make It Stick

BY: Jeff Haden

 Sometimes "no" is the hardest thing of all to say to others ... and to yourself.

Saying yes to too many opportunities, too many projects, and too many people is a recipe for failure. As entrepreneur Derek Sivers likes to say, "No more 'yes.' It's either, 'Hell yeah!' or 'no.'"
The problem is, when most of us say no, it too often turns into a yes. Maybe a friend pleads. Or a vendor begs. Or a customer argues and cajoles and chips away at our resolve until no becomes maybe and maybe becomes yes, and we wind up agreeing to something we wish we hadn't.

Or--and this is even more likely--maybe you chip away at your own resolve until you wind up doing something you didn't want to do but you eventually couldn't say no to yourself.
So what is the best way to say no? It's easy: Stop saying "can't" and start saying "don't." It works. Science says so.

Here's why.
Researchers conducted a simple study: One group was given a simple temptation and told to say, in the face of that temptation, "I can't do (that)." The other group was told to say, "I don't do (that)."
What happened?

• Participants told to say, "I can't," gave in to the temptation 61% of the time.
• Participants told to say, "I don't," gave in 36% of the time.

Pretty cool, right? It gets better.
Then the researchers conducted another study. Participants were told to set a personal long-term health and wellness goal. When their motivation inevitably flagged, one group was told to say, "I can't miss my workout." Another group was told to say, "I don't miss workouts." (The control group was not given a temptation-avoidance strategy.)
Ten days later, they found:

• 3 out of 10 control group members stuck to their goal.
• 1 out of 10 "I can't" group members stuck to their goal.
• 8 out of 10 "I don't" group members stuck to their goal.

Not only was "I can't" less effective than "I don't," "I can't" was less effective than no strategy at all.
Why? According to the researchers, "The refusal frame 'I don't' is more persuasive than the refusal frame 'I can't' because the former connotes conviction to a higher degree…perceived conviction mediates the influence of refusal frame on persuasiveness."
Or in language the rest of us understand, when we say, "I can't" we automatically give ourselves a way out. Sure, I could…but this time I'm choosing not to. Pretty much. At least I think so. But then again, maybe I could…

But when we say, "I don't," we're powerful. We're determined. We're not making a choice. What we do--or don't do--is based on who we are.
Which sounds more powerful, affirming, and empowering?

• "I can't give you a discount" or "We don't discount our products."
• "I can't cut corners on this project" or "We don't relax our quality standards."
• "I can't skip my workout today" or "I don't miss workouts."

"I don't" always wins, because "I don't" leaves no room for argument, compromise, or discussion--especially with yourself.

How many times have you said, "I can't," only to end up doing what you said you couldn't do? My guess is a bunch. That's because other people hear "can't" and automatically think, "Okay…but under what circumstances can you do what I'm asking?"

Most people hear, "I can't," as something they can find ways to get around. (Shoot, most of the time when we say, "I can't" to ourselves, we immediately start thinking of ways to get around it--that's why so few people achieve their personal and professional goals.)
But how many times have you said, "I don't," and later given in to temptation or pressure? My guess is far fewer times.

Most people won't dispute, "I don't," because "don't" doesn't sound like a decision: "Don't" sounds like a conviction, one that offers no room for discussion or argument.

"I can't" sounds tissue paper thin because it's a decision based on external reasons or causes.
"I don't" sounds like a brick wall because it comes from deep inside you. It's part of your identity. It's who you are.

Harness the Power of "I Don't"

When you really need to say no, simply start saying, "I don't."

"We don't offer discounts." Say, you really don't want to offer discounts because not only will your margins suffer, but also competing on price is a slippery slope you can't afford to step onto. Instead of saying, weakly and almost apologetically, "I'm sorry but we can't drop our prices any lower," say firmly and with conviction, "We don't offer discounts."

And then either remain silent and wait for a response or shift the conversation to what you may be wiling to do, like providing a quicker turnaround or extending payment terms or breaking a large order down into smaller shipments.

Use "I don't" to ensure what must be non-negotiable remains non-negotiable and then shift to terms you are willing to negotiate.

"I don't have time right now." Say, an aspiring entrepreneur asks, "Can you give me 10 minutes to give me feedback on my idea?" You'd love to say yes to everyone but that's not possible. Saying, "I'm sorry, but I can't" immediately results in "But I promise it will only take a minute, so here's what we've done..." and you're trapped. Now you either have to hear him out or be rude. Either way you lose.

Instead say, "I'm sorry, but I don't have time right now. Give me your card and possibly we can schedule a meeting." You'll get a card and then you can say yes on your terms.
"I don't care what other people think."

Most of the time, we should worry about what other people think--but not if it stands in the way of living the life we really want to live.

I can't care? Heck with that. I don't care.
You shouldn't care; it's your life, and there's only one option: Live it your way.

JEFF HADEN | Columnist

Jeff Haden learned much of what he knows about business and technology as he worked his way up in the manufacturing industry. Everything else he picks up from ghostwriting books for some of the smartest leaders he knows in business.

www.inc.com