How to Raise Your Stress Tolerance

Running a startup or small business is riddled with stresses that demand your attention and drain your energy. You can't eliminate stress completely, so instead aim to boost your ability to cope with stress, which will help you face bigger challenges with confidence.

Each person has an optimal level of stress that they actually enjoy. It makes work exciting and engaging. But when we pass that level, stress becomes detrimental, leading to physical pains and poor decisions.

The amount of stress you can handle without getting overwhelmed is what psychologists call your stress tolerance. "It's the ability to cope with stress or adversity and bounce back," says David Ballard, psychologist and head of the American Psychological Association's Center for Organizational Excellence. The higher your stress tolerance is, the easier it will be for you to find your daily stresses invigorating.

Ballard recommends these three strategies to help you raise your stress tolerance:

1. Find opportunity in the challenge.

Stress makes us single-minded, so negatives loom large and positives fly under the radar. "Stress is designed to focus our attention or energy so we can overcome the threat," Ballard says.

That intensity works for time-sensitive, high-stakes issues, but most stressors are less immediate. In those cases, focusing on the problem exclusively is overwhelming and unproductive. Instead, look for new opportunities that this stressor creates, such as ways to make your company more efficient or improve communication.

Finding the silver lining helps you maintain hope. "People who have trouble bouncing back often see that challenge as completely insurmountable," Ballard says. An optimistic attitude will help you tolerate a lot more stress with ease.

2. Look at the bigger picture.

When you face one stressor after another, the constant demands can drown out the greater purpose. Remembering why you care about your work creates a buffer that prevents the stress from overwhelming you. "It's important to step back and think about what it is you're trying to accomplish," Ballard says.

Ask, what function or purpose does this particular stressor serve? How will resolving it help me accomplish my goal? By putting the stress in context, you restore your will to persevere, and you make better choices about how much time and energy to dedicate to the problem. It may deserve less attention than you're giving it right now.

3. Build in recovery time.

Our bodies evolved to tolerate stress in short bursts; to put all our energy toward a threat, then relax again when it's gone. Breaks between stressors allow us to recover, but few people take them today. "Many workplaces function in a state of chronic stress," Ballard says, leaving us depleted and short-fused.

Stress-induced smoking, drinking, overeating, or Internet surfing only compound the problem. Those activities feel stress-relieving, but they don’t reset your system. To unwind effectively, try active hobbies such as sports or volunteer work, tech-free relaxation like meditation, yoga, or reading, and sleep at least six hours a night. The more you choose those activities, the better you'll cope with stress.

Nadia Goodman is a freelance writer in Brooklyn, NY. She is a former editor at YouBeauty.com, where she wrote about the psychology of health and beauty. She earned a B.A. in English from Northwestern University and an M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. Visit her website, nadiagoodman.com.

Source :   www.entrepreneur.com

How to Manage the Stress of Uncertainty

By:

Nadia Goodman is a freelance writer in Brooklyn, NY. She is a former editor at YouBeauty.com, where she wrote about the psychology of health and beauty. She earned a B.A. in English from Northwestern University and an M.A. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. Visit her website, nadiagoodman.com. 

Launching a business is riddled with stressful uncertainties. You worry about feeding your family, paying your employees, or investing your own money without a guarantee of success. As an entrepreneur, learning to manage that stress will make you a happier -- and more successful -- business leader.

Experienced entrepreneurs have a much easier time dealing with the stress of uncertainty, in part because they think and act in ways that virtually negate it.

"The expert entrepreneurs think in terms of control, not in terms of uncertainty," says Saras Sarasvathy, associate professor at University of Virginia’s Darden School of Business, who studies how entrepreneurs cope with uncertainty.

Thinking in terms of control empowers you to focus on the actions you can take to minimize risk. "Great entrepreneurs get very good at shoring up the downside, but embrace products with uncertainty on the upside," Sarasvathy says. That balance allows for both stability and freedom.

Here's how great entrepreneurs achieve a sense of control:

1. Start by gathering stakeholders. Experienced entrepreneurs don't act alone -- they take control by getting others on board before they start a new project. They look for stakeholders in all areas of the business -- potential employees, suppliers, investors, and customers -- and ask them to make a small commitment to the project. 

That buy in is essential. If experienced entrepreneurs can’t get a couple stakeholders in each category, they kill the project. "They almost define a great idea by whether they're able to bring enough people together," Sarasvathy says. "If not, then your idea probably isn’t that great."

2. Place small bets at the beginning. Lower your stress and worry by starting with small investments -- things that you're willing to lose if the company fails. Maybe you're willing to work nights and weekends, or pay to create a prototype. "You still don’t know if you'll win, but if you lose, you'll lose very little," Sarasvathy says. "You have control over the downside."

Approach your early stakeholders this way as well. Ask them to place small bets that they would be willing to lose. For example, when Richard Branson created Virgin Atlantic, he asked Boeing to loan him a used 747 for a few months to test the idea. If it worked, they'd have a new customer; if it didn't, they lost very little. "Even a 747 is an affordable loss for someone," Sarasvathy says.

3. Get early commitment from customers. As experienced entrepreneurs often say, fail early and fail often. That strategy lowers stress by giving you opportunities to improve your idea before you have too much in the game, and the best way to do it is to talk to your customers early. "Preselling an idea is the surest way you can make the idea fail or succeed earlier," Sarasvathy says.

Pitch your idea and share rough prototypes as often as you can. You have to be prepared -- even excited -- for others to critique your product. If you keep it behind closed doors because you fear your customers' response, you are doing yourself a disservice and adding unnecessary stress.

4. Work within constraints. Having unlimited time and money to start your company seems like a luxury, but it actually adds a ton of stress and pressure. Working within constraints, such as limited time or money, lowers your emotional investment without hurting your passion or commitment.

Constraints also make you more creative. "People who start with a lot of money can be much more likely to lose," Sarasvathy says, in part because they have less impetus to innovate. For example, Pierre Omidyar created eBay on nights and weekends, which forced him to create a more ingenious system that would sustain itself with little central management. His constraints kept stress levels low and made eBay the success it is today.

Source:  www.entrepreneur.com

33 Easy Ways to Avoid Stress

By:  Geoffrey James

1. Avoid stressed-out people.

The "mirror neurons" in your brain make stress contagious. This takes place at a physiological level, so as far as possible, keep yourself physically separate from people who are already stressed out.

2. Break huge tasks into small steps.

If a single task seems overwhelming, break it up into sub-tasks. Example: Rather than "Write Sales Proposal" make a list: "1. Find old proposal, 2. Create new outline, 3. Identify reviewers, etc."

3. Breathe more deeply.

When you're stressed your take shorter breaths, which in turn tell your brain to be stressed (It's what's called a "feedback loop.") Consciously taking long deep breaths tells your brain that you're not stressed, which can creating a positive feedback loop.

4. Broaden your perspective.

Much of the stress we feel on a day-to-day basis emerges from the little hassles of life. However, the "small stuff" that you're sweating today will eventually be forgotten. Focus on the proverbial "big picture" and you'll forget them all that sooner.

5. Bundle small tasks into a single effort.

Make busywork less burdensome by combining minor to-do items into one project or effort. Example: "Make calls" rather than "Call Joe, Call Jill, etc."

6. Celebrate the small victories.

Ambitious, long-term goals are both useful and necessary but you'll feel calmer and less stressed if you take the time to celebrate the more minor milestones that you hit along the way. Let any victory be an excuse to feel great.

7. Create a relaxing playlist.

Few things are more stressful than feeling that you have no control, especially of your own emotions. To achieve more control, create a playlist that matches how you'd like to feel. Use the playlist (with headphones if you're in an open office) to change your mood at will.

8. Cultivate a tactile hobby.

If your work is primarily intellectual, find a hobby that requires you to work with your hands. Working with your hands draws upon parts of your brain that don't get enough exercise and gives the overworked parts of your brain some time to relax.

9. Delegate as much as possible.

Focus on the tasks that only YOU can accomplish. Find somebody else to do the busywork. If you've got employees, train them to take over tasks that are consuming your time. If you don't have employees, use a service like eLance.com.

10. Disconnect from the uncontrollable.

There are many things in the world that you simply can't control: the economy, the traffic, the weather, other people's thoughts, etc. Don't get emotionally invested in things that you can't change. If it's out of your control, just shrug it off.

11. Don't multitasking so darn much.

Turn off automatic notifications and alarms that interrupt your concentration. Instead set aside time to answer emails and interact on social media. Guess what? The world will get along fine if you don't immediately respond to every request for your attention.

12. Eat more protein.

Too much sugar at one time--even in the form of fresh-picked fruit--will give cause your blood sugar to spike then plummet, creating physical stress. Level things out by adding protein to your snacks and meals.

13. Enjoy a long bath.

When you're in the tub, you can't use your electronics or answer the phone, so you're forced to be someplace where work pressures simply can't reach you. A sauna or a jacuzzi is even better, if you're fortunate enough to have access to them.

14. Exercise less but more regularly.

Everybody knows by now that exercise releases endorphins that calm you down and therefore relieve stress. It's less commonly known, however, that exercising to the point of exhaustion increases stress by forcing your body to overcome pain.

15. Fend off the complainers.

Hey, everybody kvetches sometimes and being a friend means listening the occasional b**** and moan. However, people who constantly complain only suck your energy and dump their stress onto you.. Avoid them.

16. Find a job that better suits you.

If you hate your job, you already know you need find a better one. Obviously, finding a new job is always not "easy" but deciding that you'll find one and starting your search today takes less than a minute. You'll feel better the second you start taking action.

17. Get a massage.

A massage release muscle tension, which is how your body stores stress. Since massages cost money, make the most of the experience. Keep your mind off work (and other stressful things) by consciously relaxing into the pressure.

18. Ignore Presidential politics.

As much as you make like or dislike the various candidates, other than voting (and maybe giving money), there's nothing you can say or do at this point that will make much difference.

19. Learn to say "no" more often.

Sad to say, but if you're always willing to help and you're also competent, people will try to foist their work onto your to-do list. The better you get at saying "no" to coworkers, employees and even your boss, the less stress you'll ultimately feel.

20. Let the other guy win.

You're not Superman (or Wonder Woman). You don't have to win every battle and emerge victorious. Once you decide that it's OK to lose sometimes, you'll feel a burden of stress lift from your shoulders.

21. Limit your information intake.

Information is like water. You need it survive but if get too much, you drown. Rather than try to sponge everything up, limit your information consumption to topics that are pertinent to your own life and work.

22. Pray or meditate more often.

Numerous scientific studies reveal that prayer and meditation changes your physiological state for the better, lessening your stress. This physiological change is not supernatural; it's just how your brain and body works.

23. Rebalance your workload.

As I've pointed out before, the secret of time management is that 20% of your efforts create 80% of your results; the other 80% of your efforts create the remaining 20% of your results. Only do the 20% that matters; forget the rest.

24. Recharge your batteries.

Look, we all know that sometimes you'll need to do an all-nighter or work over the weekend. However, if you do this habitually, you'll eventually end up making unnecessary mistakes and create even more work.

25. Relax your standards.

As I've pointed out previously, perfectionism creates stress by creating a standard that's impossible to meet. Relax your standards and give yourself space to make mistakes and learn. You'll feel less stress and you'll get more done.

26. Release past failures.

Many people carry the past on their back like a huge load of baggage. Rather than carry the burden of your past mistakes, remember that every big success is preceded by a string of big failures. Learn what you can from your mistakes. Then move on.

27. Simplify your work area.

While it's true that some geniuses have cluttered desks, as a general rule, clutter tells your brain that there's too much work to do. This creates stress, so take a minute or two at the end of each work day to tidy up your desk.

28. Skip the squabbling with strangers.

If you don't know somebody don't get in an argument with them. In particular, it's an incredible waste of time getting into heated arguments online, regardless of the topic. Save your mental energy for people who matter.

29. Stop comparing yourself to others.

No matter how successful you are, there will always somebody who's smarter, better, richer, happier and/or heathier than you. Since that's always true, why bother with comparisons?

30. Take a stroll, outside if practical.

Getting a breath of fresh air and stretching your legs gives you sense of perspective when things get weird. A change in your physical surroundings can also jog your mind out of a rut. Plus, the exercise. It's win-win-win... for you.

31. Turn off the daily news.

While there is some value in being informed about the events of the day, the mainstream news media makes it money by creating anger, fear, anxiety, dread, and frustration. Avoid news that's not 100% relevant to your work or life.

32. Unplug at night.

Lest you think I'm holding myself up as a great example, let it be known that I find this stress-reliever to be very difficult. Don't be like me. Exercise the self-discipline to turn off your phone an hour before you go to bed and an hour after you wake up.

33. Watch or read something funny.

Laughter is a well-known stress-reliever. The funniest Netflix programs (IMHO) are Louie, Master of None and Bojack Horseman. And I already gave you my list of the funniest books of all time.

Source :  http://www.inc.com

 

How To Beat Office Stress

A variety of relaxation techniques help you achieve the relaxation response. Those whose stress-busting benefits have been widely studied include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, visualization, yoga, and tai chi.

TALK IT OUT
Fighting layoffs? A micro-managing supervisor? Just have too much to do? Feeling helpless can hit you, no matter what type of job you have or your rung on the ladder. To combat the problem, always make an effort to stay informed. Know as much as you can about what is going on above and below you, and keep both sides informed about you too. If you don’t know what’s going on in your boss’s world, he probably has no idea what’s really going on in yours, either.

TAKE A BREAK
Nonstop work marathons actually hurt your productivity. Instead, take regularly scheduled breaks during the workday. Try a 10-minute stretch every hour. And stop eating lunch at your desk! You need a break away from your 8-by-8 world in order to recharge.

REMEMBER: YOU’RE NOT PERFECT
Many of us brag about being a perfectionist — as if it’s a good thing. Setting yourself up for such failure can send stress rocketing. Accept that you may not be able to do everything perfectly — but you can do everything correctly. Focus on doing that instead of being perfect, and everything else on your to-do list should fall into place.

CUT THE CORD AFTER 5 P.M.
Too often we don’t realize that our personal life can take a huge toll on our 9-to-5 life. If our personal life — social, physical, or emotional — is suffering, it will invariably poison the workday, since that’s where most of us spend the majority of our time. Take care of your business at home and your stress levels should plummet. If they don’t, the best stress relief may be a new job.

* Body scan – Body scanning cultivates mindfulness by focusing your attention on various parts of your body. Like progressive muscle relaxation, you start with your feet and work your way up. However, instead of tensing and relaxing your muscles, you simply focus on the way each part of your body feels without labeling the sensations as either “good” or “bad”.

* Walking meditation – You don’t have to be seated or still to meditate. In walking meditation, mindfulness involves being focused on the physicality of each step — the sensation of your feet touching the ground, the rhythm of your breath while moving, and feeling the wind against your face.

* Mindful eating – If you reach for food when you’re under stress or gulp your meals down in a rush, try eating mindfully. Sit down at the table and focus your full attention on the meal (no TV, newspapers, or eating on the run). Eat slowly, taking the time to fully enjoy and concentrate on each bite.

The Scary Truth About Stress in the Workplace

BY: Graham Winfrey

As an entrepreneur, you're all too familiar with the feeling of being stressed out, but you probably don't know the extent to which stress impacts productivity at your company.
Employee stress costs businesses an estimated $300 billion per year in added health care costs and missed work. What's more, one in three workers feel they are living with "extreme stress," according to Officevibe.

To get the facts on how strain and anxiety infect the workplace, check out the infographic below.

7 ways stress does your mind and body good

Kate Torgovnick May

Psychologist Kelly McGonigal used to demonize stress, warning patients that stress can increase the risk of a wide variety of ailments. Then, new research changed her mind.

Health psychologist Kelly McGonigal (TED Talk: How to make stress your friend) explored a startling research finding in her talk last year: Stress may only have negative health consequences if you believe that it will. Her radical suggestion? Instead of fearing stress, befriend it. To learn more about why some stress may have positive effects on our minds and bodies, read the seven studies listed below. (Important: all these studies are about “acute,” “short-term” or “moderate” stress — the kind that is short-lived and related to something specific. “Chronic stress,” on the other hand, isn’t quite so great.)

1. Stress correlates to a lower risk of death (if you think about it in the way that McGonigal suggests). In her talk, McGonigal references a study done by researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Researchers looked at data from a 1998 survey conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics that asked specific questions about stress levels, stress management and perceptions about how stress affects health. They used a sample of about 29,000 respondents from the survey who matched up to public records, and then looked at instances of death among survey respondents through 2006. Overall, they found that survey respondents who reported a lot of stress and a perception that stress has a big impact on health had an increased hazard ratio — which converted to a 43% increased risk of premature death. However, survey respondents who reported a lot of stress but little to no perception that stress impacted health had the lowest hazard ratio of any group in the survey, even those who felt almost no stress.

2. Stress boosts the production of neurons that may improve performance. A 2013 study from Daniela Kaufer and Elizabeth Kirby at the University of California, Berkeley, suggests why some stress can propel you forward and enable you to meet a challenge. These scientists put rats in a stressful situation — they immobilized them in their cages to boost the levels of stress hormone in their bodies. In the brain, this boost appeared to cause stem cells to grow into new neurons. Two weeks later, these matured neurons appeared to improve the rats’ performance on learning tests. “Some amounts of stress are good to push you just to the level of optimal alertness, behavioral and cognitive performance,” explains Kaufer. “I think intermittent stressful events are probably what keeps the brain more alert, and you perform better when you are alert.”

3. Bursts of stress may strengthen the immune system. This TEDx Talk (The positive effects of stress) gives an easy-to-follow explanation of Firdaus Dhabhar’s research out of Stanford University. The gist: short-term stress causes the adrenal glands to release hormones that, essentially, call immune cells from where they “rest” in the organs and move them to the “battle stations” where they’ll be needed — even before there’s a wound or infection. (Read the study, published in Psychoeuroendocrinology.)

4. Stress can make you more social. A 2012 study by researchers at the University of Freiburg suggests that stress can help you make friends. For this study, 72 male students were divided into a stress condition and a control condition. In the stress condition, the students had to go through an ordeal very similar to the research subjects in #3. (This sequence of events is called the “Trier social stress test.”) From there, each participant was paired off with a partner to play a group of games that tested them on trust, sharing and risk-taking. In the end, the researchers found that students in the stress condition exhibited more prosocial behaviors in the games. In other words, they were more willing to trust their partner and showed a greater propensity to share.

5. Stress can improve learning. A study in the journal Nautrwissenschaften looked at how male spotted bowerbirds learn new sounds, and concluded that the species showed enhanced learning capabilities during moments of acute stress. But this finding isn’t just for the birds. A 2007 study from researchers at the National Institute of Mental Health subjected half its male participants to something sure to stress them out — having their hand dunked in ice-cold water for 60 seconds. After that, they were asked to do two learning experiments often conducted in animals — an eyeblink test and a virtual navigation test. The subjects in the stress group performed far better on both tests.

6. Stress may improve memory. Rats, apparently, hate swimming. Researchers at the University of Buffalo used this fact to help them with an experiment in 2009. They forced one group of rats to take a 20-minute swim while another group stayed dry — then they measured how both groups performed in a maze. In trials four hours and one day later, the rats who’d gone on the stressful swim made significantly fewer mistakes in the maze than the control group. The researchers noted that these rats had an increase in the neurotransmitter glutamine, known to improve working memory. A more recent study looked at the interplay between stress and working memory in human beings. Researchers at New Mexico State University gave students a test where they looked at nearly identical images in rapid succession and had to note subtle differences between the two. They did a version of this test both before and after a situation specifically designed to spike their cortisol levels. After the stressful situation, students did better on the working-memory test.

7. Stress may help you connect with your instincts. Researchers at the University of Maine were curious to see how exactly stress improves performance. So they put a group of students through a series of tests known to spike cortisol levels — they had to give a 5-minute, videotaped presentation, do a 5-minute interview and then count backwards from 1,022 in steps of 13, all in front of judges whose expression stayed flat throughout. After this, the students performed two tasks around categorizing circles and bars on a computer screen. In the first, they had to talk through specific rules to categorize the shapes. In the second, they simply had to share which category they thought the shape belonged in. The more stressed-out the subjects reported feeling, the better they did on the second task — the one that required them to worry less about the details and go with their gut.

www.ted.com

10 Cheap Ways to Reduce Employee Stress

BY: Marla Tabaka

Do you want to see productivity go up and costs go down? Keep your employees healthy and focused with these 10 stress busters.

As an entrepreneur, you're accustomed to dealing with high stress levels, but what about your employees? Yes, they have stress, too. And when work stress builds up, your team members become less productive and emotionally disconnected, and they lose sleep.

Last week Inc's Graham Winfrey posted a very telling infographic on The Scary Truth About Stress in the Workplace. Did you know that stress-related health care and missed work are costing employers $300 billion a year? Heck, for a small business even $3,000 a year is a lot. It's time to pay attention to your employees' stress levels, not just because it's costing you but also to show them you care.

Here are 10 free or inexpensive ways to help your team de-stress on the job. Learning more about these simple things may even help them develop healthy habits outside of work. Healthy, happy employees will lower your stress level as well, so there are benefits all around.

1. Let them come in late or leave early.

That's right, flex time offers employees a sense of independence, which is known to reduce stress even more than shorter hours. As long as they are meeting quotas and getting the job done, do you really care which hours they choose to do it in? Of course, some employees do need to be present during specific hours. Try staggering their hours to give these team members a sense of independence, too.

2. Feed and educate them.

Studies have linked vitamin B with good mental health, and omega-3s may help reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety. Whole-grain carbs help regulate levels of serotonin, the "feel-good" neurotransmitter that helps us remain calm. In short, eating right ranks high on the list of stress-busting activities.

Busy people tend to grab a snack from the vending machine and eat at their desks. You'll help them break that habit when you cater a healthy lunch-and-learn once a month. Many local professionals who are willing to come in to talk about nutrition and other health-related topics.

3. Talk to them.

When I work with my clients' employees, I hear a lot of complaints about being kept in the dark at work. Concerns over pending changes, the state of the company, and unknown expectations cause great stress. Don't keep your employees in the dark. Communicate what you expect of them, how they are doing, what they can improve upon, and what's ahead for the company.

4. Take a break to imagine.

By now you've probably heard that meditation is relaxing, but what scientists are also discovering is that meditation actually increases the amount of grey matter in the brain, essentially rewiring the body to stress less. Other benefits include boosting cognitive function, strengthening the immune system, and reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Do an online search for "guided visualizations" and choose a few recordings to share with your team (many are free). Most of them are under 10 minutes and offer lasting benefits. Doing a guided visualization is much easier for the beginner than a silent meditation, but just as effective.

5. Make 'em laugh.

When you come across a funny video, share it with the office. Don't just forget those silly jokes you hear. Instead, share them at the start of weekly meetings. If silliness feels too unnatural for you or you don't have the time, assign an employee to be your laugh ambassador.

6. Take your meeting for a walk.

If your team consists of only two or three people, you really don't have to sit around a conference table for every meeting. Why not do a little exercise and take in some fresh air while you're sharing your updates and ideas? A break in the routine will also give them a break from the stress.

7. Offer relaxing smells.

Pure essential oils are known to reduce tension in the body and help increase mental clarity. Purchase an inexpensive ultrasonic diffuser and some quality essential oils (I use Young Living) and sparingly share these olfactory delights in the office. Make sure to inquire about allergies and sensitivities before you make the investment.

8. Encourage breaks.

Deadlines and demands usually lead to hours of unrelenting physical and mental stress. This is counter-productive. The human brain needs a break every two hours and the body needs a break every hour. Just five minutes will do the trick. So instead of asking where your employees are when they are missing from their desks, congratulate them for taking a break.

9. Give them a massage.

The folks at Mayo Clinic say that massage reduces anxiety, insomnia, headaches, and muscle tension. Your team will function better if they receive a regular massage, but you probably don't pay them enough.

There are lots of new massage therapists out there who would jump at the chance to promote their business by dropping by your office to offer 10 minute chair massages. Be nice, tip them well.

10.Pretty up the place with plants.

A study at Kansas State University says non-flowering plants are proven to reduce blood pressure levels. Introduce a few low-maintenance plants to your environment; not only are they pretty but they will help to keep your team healthy.

In short, your employees are your number one asset, so help them to live a long, healthy life!

www.inc.com

 

5 Reasons Why Anxiety Is So Hard To Manage (and what you can do to cope)

                                                                              (Credit: hikrcn/Shutterstock)
By: Melanie Greenberg
 
If we aren't careful, we can makes things worse. Here are some effective ways to keep your emotions under control .

Have you ever had a friend or family member tell you to “just get over it” when you felt sad or worried? If getting rid of negative emotions is so easy, why is it that more than 21 million children and adults get diagnosed with depression each year and that depression is the leading cause of disability for adults age 15-44? Why is it that 40 million adults in the United States suffer from an anxiety disorder? The truth is we can’t just get rid of negative emotions whenever we feel like it. Sometimes we can distract ourselves or think more positively, but at other times the emotions grab hold of us and cling on.

The reason it is such a struggle to combat negative emotions is that they are there for a reason—to warn us of danger and gear up our minds and bodies for escape or self-protection or to help us withdraw and conserve energy when we face a loss. But sometimes these reactions are unwarranted, too intense, or interfere with effective coping and problem-solving. Below are five reasons why negative emotions are so hard to manage.

1. Your brain is wired for survival, not happiness. That is why it keeps bringing up negative emotions, past mistakes and worries about the future. Because of this wiring, you can get stuck in repetitive cycles of self-criticism, worry and fear that interfere with your ability to enjoy the present moment.

2. It doesn’t work to just shove negative emotions down or pretend they don’t exist. Your mind will keep bringing them up again as a reminder that you have an ongoing problem that needs to be handled (even when there is nothing you can actually do to make it better). Research by Daniel Wegner and colleagues suggests that suppressing thoughts while in a negative mood makes it more likely that both the thoughts and the negative mood will reoccur.

3. Your body and mind react to mental images and events as if they are events happening in the real world. Try thinking about smelling and then biting into a lemon. You will likely feel a change in saliva in your mouth. Now think about putting your hand on a hot stove. Do you feel your heart pounding a bit faster? You can get just as stressed by thoughts about an event as by the event itself. When negative feelings become chronic, they wear out your mind and body, causing inflammation, hormonal imbalance, or impaired immunity.

4. Negative thoughts feed on each other. You may worry about not having enough money. Next you think, “What if I lose my job?” Then you wonder you could ask for help and next thing, you’re feeling alone and unsupported. Rumination can turn a controllable problem into a set of insurmountable difficulties.

5. The things you do to avoid or try to cope with feeling negative emotions may be more counterproductive than the emotions themselves. You may turn to alcohol, marijuana, or excess use of prescription drugs to escape feeling bad. These substances can have long-term negative effects on mood and motivation and have addictive properties. Turning to food excessively can lead to overweight or obesity and low self-esteem associated with weight gain.  Getting angry and blaming others for your negative emotions can strain your relationships. Retail therapy can lead to debt.

What You Can Do

If suppression doesn’t work, what can you do with sad, angry or anxious feelings? Below are six surprising coping strategies that can help.

1. Allow Feelings In

The feelings will be there anyway, so why not take a look at them? Perhaps they have a message for you about something in your life that needs to change. Perhaps they are a symptom of past, unresolved painful events that need more processing and attention. They may signal strong unmet needs that would be helpful to pay attention to. When you invite emotions in and let them be there, they become less scary and shameful. They will naturally run their course and move on through.

2. Untangle Feelings From Negative Judgments

You may have learned negative messages about emotions from your family or culture. Perhaps you learned emotions are a sign of weakness or that they make you vulnerable and unprotected. As you begin to untangle the feelings themselves from your negative judgments about them, emotions become more palatable. You begin to create more space for them and listen to them more. You become more self-aware of your reactions and of what people and situations are personal triggers.

3. Notice the Connection Between Feelings and Events  

Feelings provide information about what you find pleasant or unpleasant; whom you love and whom you fear. Once you understand the connection between events in your life, your thoughts and your feelings, you are better prepared to take good care of yourself and protect your own boundaries. You begin to anticipate how you will react to certain people or events, which allows you to make better choices about how you spend your time. You can anticipate emotionally high-risk situations and prepare coping strategies in advance.

4. Broaden the View

Anxiety and depression make your thinking more rigid—you focus on the negative, which can lead to catastrophizing and magnifying the problem. This makes you feel even more stuck. It can help to deliberately take a step back and to ask yourself if there is a different way to look at the situation, or how an uninvolved observer might see things. Doing something you enjoy instead of worrying can create positive affect that naturally broadens your thinking. This can lead you to come up with more creative solutions that you won’t see when caught up in a negative emotional loop.

5. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is both a set of practices and a way of thinking about life that is based on Buddhist traditions that are 3,000 years old. Being mindful means having a gentle, open and accepting attitude toward your own experiences and surroundings, whatever those may be. As Eckhart Tolle, a writer and spiritual teacher, once stated: “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” Meditating, focusing on your breath, or taking a nature walk and focusing on the sights, smells, and sounds are good ways to learn how to be mindful. Mindfulness creates a spaciousness of mind that allows emotions to be there without clinging to them.

6. Find Support

Sometimes, emotions can be difficult to manage alone because it’s so hard to step out of your point of view and see things objectively. It can help to get support and feedback from a friend, colleague or family member. Let the person know exactly what you are looking for, whether it is emotional support, information or resources to help. Psychotherapy can provide you with expert guidance, coping strategies and emotional support to calm negative emotions and find clarity and courage to move forward in life.

Although negative emotions are a challenge, there are effective ways to cope. By practicing these strategies, you will become more tolerant of them and less likely to get caught up in downward spirals of gloom and doom.

 This article originally appeared on AlterNet. 

 http://www.salon.com/

How to be Patient

Find out how to be more patient, in work and at home.

© iStockphoto/shapecharge

Staying Calm Under Pressure

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it open. – Arnold Glasgow, American humorist

Here's the problem: You're waiting for someone to finish compiling a report that you need for a meeting. Because of an issue that came up, you're already 15 minutes late.

You can feel your body getting tense, and you're getting quite cross. You start sweating, and suddenly you yell at the person for being slow and putting you behind schedule. You can tell she's hurt, but you can't help it. She's making you late!

Does this sound familiar?

Many of us are impatient at times. Losing control of our patience hurts not only us, but those around us. Impatience raises our stress level and can even cause physical harm to our bodies. Being impatient can also damage relationships.

In this article, we'll examine strategies that you can use to be more patient.

Why Practice Patience?

Others often see impatient people as arrogant, insensitive, and impulsive. They can be viewed as poor decision makers, because they make quick judgments or interrupt people. Some people will even avoid impatient people, because of their poor people skills and bad tempers.

People with these personality traits are unlikely to be at the top of the list for promotions to leadership positions. Impatience can even affect relationships at home.

The more patient you are with others, the likelier you are to be viewed positively by your peers and your managers, not to mention your family and friends.

Signs of Impatience

How do you know when you're being impatient? You will probably experience one of more of the following symptoms:

• Shallow breathing (short breaths).
• Muscle tension.
• Hand clenching/tightening.
• Jiggling/restless feet.
• Irritability/anger.
• Anxiety/nervousness.
• Rushing.
• Snap/quick decisions.

Finding Your Causes

If you experience the symptoms of impatience, your next step is to discover the true cause. Many of us have "triggers." These could be people, phrases, or specific situations (like rush-hour traffic) that regularly cause us to enter an impatient frame of mind.

Make a list of things that cause you to become impatient. If you're having trouble identifying your triggers, use these tips:

• Stop and think about the last time you were impatient. What caused it? You can narrow this down to the root cause by using the 5 Whys   technique.
• Ask your family, friends, and co-workers about your impatience. Chances are that they know what gets you "wound up".
• Many people become impatient due to physical factors such as hunger, dehydration, or fatigue. Analyze your body the next time you start to feel impatient. A simple remedy might be a snack and a glass of water!
• Keep a journal with you to record when you start to feel impatient. Write down what the situation is, and why you're getting frustrated.

Identifying your triggers helps because it forces you to examine your actions and uncover why you're doing what you're doing. This knowledge also helps you devise strategies to avoid becoming impatient.

Of course, it would be great if you could avoid the triggers that make you impatient. But for most of us, that's just not possible. So you have to learn to manage impatience instead.

Managing the Symptoms

When you feel impatient, it's important to get out of this frame of mind as quickly as possible. Try these strategies:

• Take deep, slow breaths, and count to 10. Doing this helps slow your heart rate, relaxes your body, and distances you emotionally from the situation. If you're feeling really impatient, you might need to do a longer count, or do this several times.
• Impatience can cause you to tense your muscles involuntarily. So, consciously focus on relaxing your body  . Again, take slow, deep breaths. Relax your muscles, from your toes up to the top of your head.
• Learn to manage your emotions  . Remember, you have a choice in how you react in every situation. You can choose to be patient, or choose not to be: it's all up to you.
• Force yourself to slow down. Make yourself speak and move more slowly. It will appear to others as if you're calm – and, by "acting" patient, you can often "feel" more patient.
• Practice active listening   and empathic listening  . Make sure you give other people your full attention, and patiently plan your response to what they say.
• Remind yourself that your impatience rarely gets others to move faster – in fact, it can interfere with other people's ability to perform complex or highly-skilled work. All you're doing is creating more stress, which is completely unproductive.
• Try to talk yourself out of your impatient frame of mind. Remind yourself how silly it is that you're reacting this way. People often don't mind if a meeting is delayed, just as long as you let them know that you're running late in advance.
• If your impatience causes you to react in anger toward others, use anger management techniques   to calm down.
• Some people become impatient because they're perfectionists. However, in addition to causing impatience, perfectionism can actually slow productivity and increase stress. Learn how to stop being a perfectionist with our Coaching Clinic I'm a Perfectionist!

Remember that, although many people are naturally patient, the rest of us need to practice patience for it to become a habit. Becoming more patient won't happen overnight, but do persist – it's so important!

Key Points

Many of us struggle with impatience. But if we want healthy work relationships and a successful career, then we need to spend time making patience a habit.

Start by identifying your triggers. Often a specific person or situation can immediately cause you to become impatient. When you identify the specific causes, you're better able to discover why it's happening. You can then use strategies to overcome your impatience.

www.mindtools.com

How Stress Works

Given time, stress can take a toll on your physical health.

Ron Krisel/Getty Images

By Betty Burrows, PhD

Emotional stress can come from a variety of sources -- from too much work at the office to the death of a loved one. Sometimes stress is self-imposed, such as when we put pressure on ourselves to perform perfectly in every situation. Other times, stress comes from the outside, and we have no control over it. Regardless of its origins, however, stress can take a serious toll on body, mind, and soul.

You can't avoid stress -- it's everywhere. However, as this article will show, you can learn how to control your responses to stress and prevent it from controlling your life and damaging your health and well-being. Your emotional and mental health are every bit as important as your physical well-being. Find out how you can take as good care of your mind as you do of your body in the following sections:

The Effect of Stress on Physical Health
Though stress is a purely mental phenomenon, it can have some very serious and real effect on your physical health. In this section, we will examine all of the ways that stress affects your body. For instance, in some cases, the stress can be a positive response. Unfortunately, most of the time stress can be harmful to you.

How to Identify Stress Triggers
The first step in eliminating stress from your life is figuring out what is causing the emotion. This may sound simple, but the causes of stress, or stressors, are so intimately tied to our day-to-day life that we may not perceive how they are aggravating us. On this page, we will show you the various types of stressors and help you identify them in your own life. We will also help you list your stressors and categorize them by severity.

How to Reduce Stress
On this page, we will help you deal with your three types of stress -- those you can eliminate, those you can reduce, and those you can cope with. While the stressors you can eliminate or cope with essentially take care of themselves, it's the stress you need to reduce that causes real problems. We will offer you some tips to organize your life and remove some of the stressors that are adding to your frustration. Finally, we will offer you some suggestions that may help you relax when you are feeling stressed out.

This information is solely for informational purposes. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE. Neither the Editors of Consumer Guide (R), Publications International, Ltd., the author nor publisher take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, action or application of medication which results from reading or following the information contained in this information. The publication of this information does not constitute the practice of medicine, and this information does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Before undertaking any course of treatment, the reader must seek the advice of their physician or other health care provider.­

 http://www.howstuffworks.com

6 Easy Ways to Reduce Stress

BY Geoffrey James

Workplace stress is not inevitable. Here are some simple techniques to lower your own levels.

Stress sucks.  According to the American Psychological Association, stress can result in headache, muscle tension, muscle pain, chest pain, fatigue, upset stomach, insomnia, anxiety, restlessness, lack of motivation, lack of focus, irritability, depression, eating problems, addiction ... and social withdrawal. Yow!

Fortunately, stress isn't inevitable, even in today's hyper-connected, highly competitive world.  Here are six techniques that I've picked up over the years and now use on a daily basis.

1. Create an Oasis

In the past, people worked 9 to 5; in today's business environments, there's pressure to work (or at least be available) 24/7. Needless to say, that pressure generates oodles of stress.
An absurdly easy way to get reduce that stress is to shut down your computer and your cell–not just while you sleep, but also an hour before and after you sleep.

This takes discipline, because you're probably in habit of checking email, texts and so forth. This also takes self-confidence, because you must believe that you need to be at the constant beck and call of your boss, colleagues and customers. Do it anyway.

2. Find the 'Sweet Spots'

Having a overlong to-do list can a huge source of stress, because it feels like you can never get them those tasks completed. Here's a thought: Why bother?

Instead, categorize each task by difficulty (e.g. easy, medium, hard) and then by potential impact (e.g. large, medium, small).  You'll probably find there are about 10 tasks that are both easy and will have a large impact. Hit those "sweet spots" first.

In most cases, you'll achieve 80 percent of your goals by only doing 20 percent of the work.  And that takes the pressure off, thereby reducing stress. As a bonus stress-reliever, ignore those tasks that are hard and won't have much of an impact anyway.

3. Renegotiate Your Workload

Unreasonable expectations of what you're capable of accomplishing are a huge source of stress–regardless of whether those expectations come from yourself, from your boss, or from your customers.

The cure for this kind of stress is a dose of reality. Look at how much time you've got to spend, assess the amount of work that needs to be done, and, based on that, be realistic about what's actually going to get done. If you're expected to accomplish A,B,C and D, and there's only time to achieve three of the four, decide–or force your boss to decide–which three will actually get done and which one will not.

4. Turn Off the News

The news media, like every other form of entertainment, makes money by producing strong emotions in its audience.  Outside business news, those emotions are almost exclusively negative: anger, fear, anxiety, dread, and frustration.

While those manufactured emotions do provide momentary distraction from work stress, they do it by adding more stress. Watching or listening to the news in order "to relax" is like having a beer to dull the pain of a hangover; it only makes things worse in the long run.

So whenever there's a news story that starts to make you angry or upset, change the channel–unless it's 100% relevant to your life–or click to another page.

5. Disconnect from the Uncontrollable

There are always events that you simply can't control: the economy, traffic, politics, other people's emotions, customer decisions, and so forth.

While it can be useful to observe and predict such events (in order to know how to react to them), once you've decided how you'll deal with them, it's stressful (and, frankly, a little nutso) to continue to focus on them.

Worrying about stuff you can't control isn't going to make an iota of difference either in the short or the long run. It's wasted energy and extra stress you don't need. Change what can change and shrug off what you can't.

6. Avoid Stressed People

You may not realize it, but your physiology is programmed to mirror the physiology of the people around you. (This is a neurological phenomenon resulting from the"mirror neurons" in your brain.) In other words, you can "catch" stress from other people.

So although it may not be possible to avoid stressed people all the time, you should try, as far as possible, to limit your contact with such people–at least until you've conquered your own stress. At that point, the opposite effect kicks in, because the calmness you will have achieved is also contagious–provided you've made it into a strong enough habit.

GEOFFREY JAMES | Columnist

Geoffrey James was recently named a "Top 40 Social Selling Marketing Master" by Forbes, and his blog has won awards from the Society of American Business Editors and the American Society of Business Publication Editors. His writing has appeared in publications as diverse as Wired, Brandweek, and Men's Health, and he is the author of numerous books, including The Tao of Programming, Business Wisdom of the Electronic Elite, and, most recently, Business Without the Bullsh*t: 49 Secrets and Shortcuts You Need to Know.

www.inc.com

Managing Your Emotions and Expectations

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery. – Harold Wilson, British politician

How much change have you experienced in the last year?
Perhaps you've had to learn a complicated new software system. You may have taken on new team members, or a new role. Or you might have gone through a merger or an acquisition.
Change is routine in today's workplace. And, no matter what you do, you probably can't – or shouldn't – try to stop it.

However, you can choose how you react to it.

If you can embrace and cope with change, you'll be valued highly in your organization. You'll be seen as a flexible and adaptable team player, and this reputation can open up many opportunities. If, however, you consistently resist change, you'll be seen as "part of the problem," and you'll get left behind.

In this article, we'll look at why coping with change is so important, and we'll discuss a framework that you can use to deal with it more effectively.
 

The Importance of Coping

So, what is coping? One formal definition says that it's a "process by which an individual attempts to minimize the negative emotions that arise from the experience of negative events." Another defines coping as "cognitive and behavioral efforts to deal with experiences that tax or exceed one's resources."

Put simply, coping describes the way that we think about and deal with stressful events.
Importantly, it's often your attitude towards change that determines your emotions and your experience of it. Some people view change positively, and see it as an exciting opportunity to learn and grow. Others see change negatively, as something to fear and to avoid.

It's important to know how to cope with change, because there's so much of it about.

Organizations are continuously shifting, growing, downsizing, merging, and acquiring people and resources. Developments in technology mean that we need to learn new ways of working and communicating. We also need to know how to cope with smaller changes, such as getting to know a new team member, or learning new standards in a particular industry.

People who resist change will likely find themselves overlooked for important projects, passed over for promotions, or left behind entirely. The inability to cope with change can also lead to great stress, and other negative physical and psychological effects.

How to Cope with Change

Change can bring amazing opportunities, or it can bring defeat. It can lift an entire team up, or it can lead people to find other employment.

Researchers Mel Fugate, Angelo J. Kinicki, and Gregory E. Prussia argue that there are two major types of coping strategies: "control coping" and "escape coping."

"Control coping" is positive and proactive. You refuse to feel like a victim of change, instead you take charge and do whatever you can to be part of the solution, including managing your feelings.

"Escape coping" is based on avoidance. You experience thoughts and emotions, or take specific actions, that help you avoid the difficulties of change. For instance, you might deliberately miss training classes, or show up too late to attend a meeting about the upcoming change.

People can use both strategies simultaneously when coping with change. However, as you can imagine, control coping is the best option to choose, because it puts you in a position of positive control. Here, you proactively search for a way to be a part of the solution, instead of reacting to, and avoiding, the change.

Transactional Model of Stress and Coping

So, how can you put yourself in control?

Richard Lazarus and Susan Folkman give us a useful way of doing this with their "Transactional Model of Stress and Coping". You can use this simple approach to look objectively at the change situation you're experiencing, and analyze what you can do to respond to it effectively.
There are three stages in this model:

1. Primary appraisal.
2. Secondary appraisal.
3. Coping efforts.

Let's look at each of these stages in greater detail, and think about how this can help you deal with change.

1. Primary Appraisal

In your primary appraisal, you evaluate the event and its significance to you, your unique situation, and your sense of well-being. You're answering the question "Is this change going to affect you in a positive or a negative way?"

A major part of coping with change is deciding whether the change represents a threat: at this initial stage, you might not be sure what risks or opportunities this change poses for you. Conduct a SWOT Analysis   to identify the possible threats and opportunities that you will face or experience. Next, conduct a Risk Analysis   to get a better sense of the risks that you might experience in this situation.

It can also be helpful to conduct an Impact Analysis   to identify the positive and negative consequences of the change you're facing. Does it threaten your expert status or your job, or is the impact smaller? Or will this change make your work easier or enhance your skills? You'll feel more in control and informed when you know both the positive and negative consequences, and this will also guide your actions in the next step.

It can often be useful to talk informally about what you're feeling – remember that it usually helps to have social support in these situations. It's also important to manage your emotions  . Try not to take negative feelings out on others, and use techniques like thought awareness   to keep control of your emotions.

And keep in mind that not all change is bad – often, it can be a very good thing! Try to get excited about what's coming.

2. Secondary Appraisal

Once you've determined how this change is going to affect you and your well-being, you can then go through a second appraisal.

In this assessment, you think about how you can control what's happening by asking, "What can I do about this situation?" You also begin to look at the resources you have available for coping with this change, and you start thinking about whether these are sufficient.

Next, make a list of things that might help you through this change. Which of your current skills will help you to succeed? Do you have a skill or knowledge gap that might hinder your ability to navigate this change? And do you need additional training?

Also, do your best to find out more about this change. Be proactive, ask for news and updates, and make sure that you share what you learn with your colleagues. This will help them feel informed and comfortable, but might also prevent the spread of rumors, which can lower morale and engagement.

Tip:

Consider becoming a "change agent" – an active supporter and promoter of the change. If you do this well, it can mark you out as a "rising star" in your organization.

3. Coping Efforts

Your coping efforts determine how well you handle the situation. This is where control coping and escape coping strategies often come into play.

It's important to avoid common escape coping strategies, like drinking too much alcohol, lashing out emotionally, and other negative behaviors. Instead, focus on control coping, and think about how you can take control of this situation and create a positive outcome for yourself and for the people around you.

People who have a positive outlook find it much easier to engage in control coping. So, use positive thinking techniques like Affirmations   and Visualization   to foresee a great outcome.
Next, keep up-to-date with what your colleagues are going through. If this change affects them as well, ask them how they're coping. Often, reaching out and trying to help others can also help you cope more effectively. Our article on coaching through change   has many strategies that you can use to help your colleagues and team members cope.

Remember to take time for yourself. If you're going through a major organizational change such as a promotion, takeover, or acquisition, you might feel pressured to work longer hours, especially if your job is at risk. This is often appropriate, however, it's essential to take time out during the day to eat healthy foods, get some exercise, and de-stress; and it's also important to remember to relax after a hard day's
work  .

Last, try to maintain a positive outlook about the situation. Even if a change seems negative at first, there's often a positive outcome if you take the time to find it. Only you can decide whether you'll grow from the situation, or let it affect you negatively.

Tip:

See our article on the Change Curve   to learn about another approach for helping people through change. Where change is significant, you can use this model to guide people through the stages of denial, anger, acceptance, and commitment that they might experience.

Key Points

In today's workplace, change occurs regularly. These changes can be small or large, and knowing how to cope with them effectively is essential to your career, as well as for your health and well-being.

Lazarus and Folkman's Transactional Model of Stress and Coping provides a useful framework for appraising your situation, and for coping with the anticipated outcome. It outlines three stages of coping:

1. Primary appraisal – where you assess the risks and opportunities that come with the change.
2. Secondary appraisal – where you plan how you'll adapt to, and, if appropriate, support the change.
3. Coping efforts – where you take control of the situation.

Overall, it's important that you maintain a positive attitude to change, where you sensibly should. This will help you cope with the situation, and grow from the experience.

Source : www.mindtools.com

Centering

Gaining Control at the Start of a Performance

It's the worst nightmare for many people: You're about to give a speech before hundreds of people, and the speech could impact your career for years to come.
Performance experts and life coaches have told you, time and time again, that you should walk onstage excited and confident about this opportunity. But inside, you're a mess. You're shaking, sweating, and afraid you won't remember what you're supposed to talk about. As you walk onstage, your inner voice tells you that you're not ready, and you never will be.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? Have you been so stressed and nervous that you don't want to go through with the speech, the interview, or presentation? Have you ever wished you could find a way of managing and overcoming this 'performance stress'?

Well, there is an effective process that can help: It's called centering, and anyone can learn it. The technique basically helps you change stress into concentration, and it can take as long as you want it to – from 10 seconds to 10 minutes or more. In this article, we'll explain what it is, and how to do it.

What is Centering?

Centering is a technique that originated, and is still used, in Aikido – one of the Japanese martial arts. Aikido is nonviolent, and is perhaps the most cerebral of all the self-defense arts. It literally means 'the way of unifying life energy.'

You may wonder how this is connected with stress. At its most basic level, stress is energy. And centering is a process that helps to manage energy.

One of the most fundamental principles of Aikido is learning to relax the mind during the stress caused while in a fight. In Aikido, when fighters approach attacks with confidence and directness instead of fear, they start down the path of mastering themselves.
They accomplish this by learning how to center.

If you stop and think for a moment about how stress affects you, you'll notice that you usually have a strong physical reaction when you're stressed. You may lift your shoulders, take short breaths (which means you use the upper parts of your lungs instead of the lower, deeper parts), your heart rate increases, and you may feel as if you're 'floating.'

Centering, on the other hand, is designed to bring you back down to earth. It helps you focus on the here and now, and doesn't allow outside concerns to intrude on your inner strength and calm. Centering helps you remain stable and grounded – something you would no doubt appreciate when you're about to go onstage to present.

How to Center Yourself

To help you center, you first have to learn how to focus on your breathing. Deep, abdominal breathing is best for relaxing you. If you're not familiar with deep breathing, try this: Sit down, take a deep breath in, and focus on letting the air fill up your stomach (or diaphragm). Don't move your chest – just breathe in, and let the air go down deeply into the center of your body. Exhale slowly and deliberately through your mouth.

Be clear about what you want to achieve, and focus on thinking positively about your outcome. For example, the affirmations you have in your head could be "The job is mine," or "I give great presentations." It could even be one word, such as "success," or "confidence."
There are three basic steps to centering.

1. Be aware of your breathing.

   Spend a few seconds completely focusing on your breathing. Use the technique described above: Breathe deeply into your abdomen, and exhale slowly. Do this until your entire focus is on your breathing – and nothing else.

2. Find your center.

   Locate your physical center of gravity. This is usually a little below your waist. Become familiar with where your center is, and remember what it feels like. This part of your body grounds and stabilizes you. When you begin to feel stressed – like you're going to 'float away' – the feeling of your center will remind you that you have balance and control. Once you've found your center, breathe in and out deeply at least five times. Focus on your center. Feel the sensation of being stabilized and on the ground.

3. Release your negative energy.

   Imagine all the negative energy in your body is collecting in one place. Find imagery   that works for you. This could be a ball of energy that you're going to throw away. Or the negativity could be held in a balloon that's going to carry your negativity far away. Visualize this energy starting from your center, and moving up toward your eyes. As you inhale, say "Let." As you exhale, say "Go." If your energy is a ball, identify a spot across the room, and imagine yourself throwing the ball to hit that spot. If your energy is a balloon, imagine it floating away above your head. Let go of everything that is stressing you. Imagine your center filled with calm.

Using the centering method confidently takes some practice. It's a good idea to start learning how to use it long before you actually have to do something stressful, like giving a speech, or interviewing for a job. Try the technique during situations that are stressful on a smaller scale – perhaps something you experience at work each day.

Once you've mastered the method, you can use it any time you feel stressed and out of control. It will also help you trust your ability to let your instincts take over in whatever you're about to do.

Other Variations on Centering

You can add your own variations to the centering technique. For instance, let's say you have to make a major decision this afternoon. You're stressed about it, and you know that once you sit down with your team to make the decision, your stress level is going to increase dramatically.
You can begin centering early in the day. Do the technique every time you start to feel yourself getting tense. For more on this, read our article on relaxation response  .
To lengthen the process, try this:

1. Close the door to your office, or sit in a place where it's quiet, and you won't be disturbed.
2. Choose a word or phrase – such as 'peace' or 'ocean' – that relaxes you, and helps you visualize something that's calming.
3. Sit in a chair, close your eyes, and begin relaxing your muscles.
4. Focus on your deep, abdominal breathing. As you breathe, say or think about your word or phrase.
5. Continue this for 10 minutes or more.

There are several different ways to center, so find the process that works best for you.

Learn more about centering, as practiced by performance coach Don Greene, in our Expert Interview with him here: Performing Under Pressure.

Key Points

The centering technique was developed from Aikido, the Japanese martial art. It's an excellent process for remaining grounded, calm, and relaxed in stressful situations. If you practice centering before you find yourself under stress, the method is likely to work much better for you. The process of centering can take a few seconds or several minutes, depending on your own personal preferences. By centering, you can help to master your stress – rather than letting it master you.

Source : Mind Tools