(Credit: hikrcn/Shutterstock)
By: Melanie Greenberg
If we aren't careful, we can makes things
worse. Here are some effective ways to keep your emotions under control .
Have
you ever had a friend or family member tell you to “just get over it”
when you felt sad or worried? If getting rid of negative emotions is so
easy, why is it that more than 21 million children and adults get
diagnosed with depression each year and that depression is the leading
cause of disability for adults age 15-44? Why is it that 40 million
adults in the United States suffer from an anxiety disorder? The truth
is we can’t just get rid of negative emotions whenever we feel like it.
Sometimes we can distract ourselves or think more positively, but at
other times the emotions grab hold of us and cling on.
The
reason it is such a struggle to combat negative emotions is that they
are there for a reason—to warn us of danger and gear up our minds and
bodies for escape or self-protection or to help us withdraw and conserve
energy when we face a loss. But sometimes these reactions are
unwarranted, too intense, or interfere with effective coping and
problem-solving. Below are five reasons why negative emotions are so
hard to manage.
1. Your brain is wired for
survival, not happiness. That is why it keeps bringing up negative
emotions, past mistakes and worries about the future. Because of this
wiring, you can get stuck in repetitive cycles of self-criticism,
worry and fear that interfere with your ability to enjoy the present
moment.
2. It doesn’t work to just shove negative
emotions down or pretend they don’t exist. Your mind will keep bringing
them up again as a reminder that you have an ongoing problem that needs
to be handled (even when there is nothing you can actually do to make it
better). Research by Daniel Wegner and colleagues suggests that
suppressing thoughts while in a negative mood makes it more likely
that both the thoughts and the negative mood will reoccur.
3. Your
body and mind react to mental images and events as if they are events
happening in the real world. Try thinking about smelling and then biting
into a lemon. You will likely feel a change in saliva in your
mouth. Now think about putting your hand on a hot stove. Do you feel
your heart pounding a bit faster? You can get just as stressed by
thoughts about an event as by the event itself. When negative feelings
become chronic, they wear out your mind and body, causing inflammation,
hormonal imbalance, or impaired immunity.
4. Negative
thoughts feed on each other. You may worry about not having enough
money. Next you think, “What if I lose my job?” Then you wonder you
could ask for help and next thing, you’re feeling alone and unsupported.
Rumination can turn a controllable problem into a set of insurmountable
difficulties.
5. The things you do to avoid or try to
cope with feeling negative emotions may be more counterproductive than
the emotions themselves. You may turn to alcohol, marijuana, or
excess use of prescription drugs to escape feeling bad. These substances
can have long-term negative effects on mood and motivation and have
addictive properties. Turning to food excessively can lead to
overweight or obesity and low self-esteem associated with weight gain.
Getting angry and blaming others for your negative emotions
can strain your relationships. Retail therapy can lead to debt.
What You Can Do
If
suppression doesn’t work, what can you do with sad, angry or anxious
feelings? Below are six surprising coping strategies that can help.
1. Allow Feelings In
The
feelings will be there anyway, so why not take a look at them? Perhaps
they have a message for you about something in your life that needs to
change. Perhaps they are a symptom of past, unresolved painful events
that need more processing and attention. They may signal strong unmet
needs that would be helpful to pay attention to. When you invite
emotions in and let them be there, they become less scary and shameful.
They will naturally run their course and move on through.
2. Untangle Feelings From Negative Judgments
You
may have learned negative messages about emotions from your family or
culture. Perhaps you learned emotions are a sign of weakness or that
they make you vulnerable and unprotected. As you begin to untangle the
feelings themselves from your negative judgments about them, emotions
become more palatable. You begin to create more space for them and
listen to them more. You become more self-aware of your reactions and of
what people and situations are personal triggers.
3. Notice the Connection Between Feelings and Events
Feelings
provide information about what you find pleasant or unpleasant; whom
you love and whom you fear. Once you understand the connection
between events in your life, your thoughts and your feelings, you
are better prepared to take good care of yourself and protect your own
boundaries. You begin to anticipate how you will react to certain people
or events, which allows you to make better choices about how you spend
your time. You can anticipate emotionally high-risk situations and
prepare coping strategies in advance.
4. Broaden the View
Anxiety
and depression make your thinking more rigid—you focus on the negative,
which can lead to catastrophizing and magnifying the problem. This
makes you feel even more stuck. It can help to deliberately take a step
back and to ask yourself if there is a different way to look at the
situation, or how an uninvolved observer might see things. Doing
something you enjoy instead of worrying can create positive affect that
naturally broadens your thinking. This can lead you to come up with more
creative solutions that you won’t see when caught up in a negative
emotional loop.
5. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness
is both a set of practices and a way of thinking about life that is
based on Buddhist traditions that are 3,000 years old. Being mindful
means having a gentle, open and accepting attitude toward your own
experiences and surroundings, whatever those may be. As Eckhart Tolle, a
writer and spiritual teacher, once stated: “Whatever the present moment
contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” Meditating, focusing on
your breath, or taking a nature walk and focusing on the sights, smells,
and sounds are good ways to learn how to be mindful. Mindfulness
creates a spaciousness of mind that allows emotions to be there without
clinging to them.
6. Find Support
Sometimes,
emotions can be difficult to manage alone because it’s so hard to step
out of your point of view and see things objectively. It can help to get
support and feedback from a friend, colleague or family member. Let the
person know exactly what you are looking for, whether it is emotional
support, information or resources to help. Psychotherapy can provide you
with expert guidance, coping strategies and emotional support to calm
negative emotions and find clarity and courage to move forward in life.
Although
negative emotions are a challenge, there are effective ways to cope. By
practicing these strategies, you will become more tolerant of them and
less likely to get caught up in downward spirals of gloom and doom.
This article originally appeared on AlterNet.
http://www.salon.com/
