Do you get angry?
Not easy to control it, is it? That’s because anger is driven by parts of your brain that take no account of logic.
It’s intended to help you defend yourself from an attacker, but can really get in the way in other situations!
The key to managing anger is to be aware of your emotions, rather than being swept along by them.
Calm
people get just as angry as everyone else. They just respond
differently; observing their anger rather than being driven by it.
That’s
not the same as suppressing your feelings. That just creates problems
that simmer for years, boiling up again whenever you’re stressed.
Instead, managing anger means considering things from a different
perspective.
Anger’s not always bad. It tells people
that your values are being violated. And that you’re serious — because
anger’s hard to fake — and willing to fight even if you get hurt.
So
it can inspire you to confront an injustice, as well as to defend
yourself. And that’s its best use — fighting for something important to
your community or family; not bullying people just to get what you want.
MANAGE YOUR ANGER
So learn to be more aware of your emotions. Watch, especially, for situations that make you angry.
It doesn’t matter why something bothers you,
just recognise that it does and figure out how to manage it. Like
starting to see your partner’s irritating behaviour as an interesting
problem to solve, rather than thinking ‘You can’t treat me like that!’
And if you do start to feel angry? Acknowledge your feelings, but stay in control. Pause before you act.
Consider
the situation from every angle — and start to plan. For example, maybe
you’re angry because you suspect your partner’s been unfaithful?
Instead
of instantly confronting them, evaluate the situation. How did you hear
about it? Is it really possible? What evidence can you confront them
with? What do you want them to say? And don’t automatically assume the
worst.
What if it’s not you but someone else who’s
angry? Don’t respond with anger. Just calmly hearing them out could be
all that’s needed.
And try to put yourself in their
shoes — they might have been dumped or lost their job. Be clear and
concise. Use simpler words. Use their name. Make them feel that you care
about their problem.
But sometimes, no matter how hard you try, there’s no way to get through to someone who’s furious.
So just let them vent and get it out of their system. Once they’ve done that, they’ll probably be reasonable.
What
if that person is your spouse? Well, the same rules apply — with the
added bonus that we’re more easily aroused when our emotions are raised!
Anger makes you bolder and heightens desire.
So learn
to mix lots of humour, smiles and laughter into quarrels with your
spouse — and lots of touching. Then you’ll probably end up in bed
together — and what could be better than that?!
