Whether you’re an entrepreneur, freelancer, in management or climbing
up the corporate ladder, by being negative, your worst enemy becomes
yourself. Yes, you might have some “enemies” in your life as well, like
the rude saleswoman who told you that dress you were trying on looked
too young for you. However, it's up to you to deal with those snide
comments by not playing them over and over in your head.
Sadly,
most people say worse things about themselves, to themselves, than they
would ever say about a friend or even a stranger. It's good to pay
attention to your interior dialogue so you know when you're feeling
negatively, then you can take the steps to fix it. The good news is that
you’re in total control of changing how you talk to yourself. Here are
some of the most vicious things we do to ourselves, why we do it, and
how to stop:
1. Convincing yourself you are worse than you are.
Whether
it’s fat, stupid, lazy or any other negative word, it's best to just
avoid that line of thinking. First of all, those words turn what should
be a verb into a noun. A person, by nature, cannot be fat. Using the “I
am” to precursor any negative self-talk makes it that much worse, it
makes a person own it, and it reinforces it. Try balancing it with “I
feel” and “but” such as “I feel like I’m carrying more weight than is
healthy, but I’m also strong.” Then make a plan of action to change if
necessary.
2. Deciding you can't do something before you even try.
There
are certainly things most people probably can’t do, like become Miss
America if they're in their 30s, married and have three kids (they have
rules, after all). However, for the most part “I can’t” is really a way
of saying “This is hard” or “I feel overwhelmed.” While having a bucket
list is fantastic for some, there are many reasons that it’s not a good
idea. If you think you can’t do something, try asking yourself first if
you really want to do it.
3. Thinking everyone has a life better than you.
Whether
it’s getting their PhD, getting married, having kids, traveling or
getting promotions, success of others doesn’t take away from your
achievements. Everyone has highs and lows. Everyone desires different
things and puts various values on different “achievements.” There’s
guaranteed to be someone who’s envious of your life (and probably quite a
few people). Avoid comparing your life to others and focus on the value
of your own journey.
4. Believing you don't have time to reach your goals.
Everyone
gets just as many hours in the day as Beyonce. In fact, time is the one
equalizer: Everyone has the same amount in a day, and nobody knows when
their days will run out. As such, it’s not an excuse not to do what you
want to do (but it’s often used as an excuse to not do what you don’t
want to do). While Life Hacker gives tips on making it feel like you
have more time, the reality is that it’s still the same time, just
better spent.
5. Making impossible bargains with yourself.
There
are all kinds of bargains and deals we make with ourselves. Sometimes
they make sense. For example, “When I save six months’ worth of income
by August of this year, I’ll file the license for by business.” That’s
smart planning with a feasible goal and end date in mind. However,
something like “When I lose 50 pounds, I’ll find true love” is your
mantra, it’s time to re-think your goals, what’s important, and your
dreams.
How much of your self-talk is helping you, and how much is
getting in your own way? Listen closely, and you’ll be surprised by how
much sabotage may be happening.
By: Anna Johansson
Anna is a freelance writer who specializes in social media and business development.
